A kindly 90-year-old grandmother found buying presents for family and friends a bit much one Christmas, so she wrote out checks for all of them to put in their Christmas cards.
In each card she wrote, "Buy your own present" and then sent them off.
After the Christmas festivities were over, she found the checks in her desk!
Everyone had gotten a Christmas card from her with "Buy your own present" written inside, but without the checks!
Remember children, the best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
Dachshund through the snow!
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Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Cybersalt World Headquarters is in the middle of a cold, winter wonderland after Victoria received the 2nd highest one day snowfall on record. Now, one might think that would mean a white Christmas for us, but with rain and seasonal temperatures in the forecast for the 23rd and 24th, the whitest part of Christmas may end up being fog!
Today's video share is of a Christmas Steam Train and that's probably all I have to say right there!
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's SUPERSIZED mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Thanks to Cybersaltine S. Miholer for the original item!
’Twas just days before Christmas, and all through the house
The wife was a’running, reminding her spouse:
“You have to shop for your folks this year;
I don’t have the time to do it, my dear.
Your father likes tools; your mother likes pink.
Last year we gave them . . . sweaters, I think.
“And, yes, we’re going to the program at school.
I know it’s boring, dear, but try to stay cool.
Of course it’s true that our kids sing offkey,
But they certainly didn’t get that from me!
“I don’t see how I’ll get all the baking done.
Let’s try doing it together. Wouldn’t that be fun?
You and the kids can make gingerbread men
While I make Grandmother’s fruitcake again.
“I took all our cards to the mailbox today
And am glad that project’s out of the way!
I addressed one to every name on our list,
But I just know there’s someone I missed.
“Anne is in charge of the program at church.
She called today to say she’d be left in the lurch
If she didn’t find someone to be Joseph this year.
I told her you’d do it. OK, my dear?
“The dollhouse for Megan will look really nice
If you follow the sheet that gives you advice.
And instructions for Aaron’s new bike firmly state
That all of the parts are included—isn’t that great?
“Have you seen their wish lists to Santa this year?
We can’t afford a one of their dream toys, I fear.
Of course, each thing cleverly designed to please
Requires investing in a caseload of batteries.
“There’s a robot that’s programmed to totter about.
(Perhaps we could train it to let the dog out.)
There are dollies and bears in every shape and size—
Even some that can wink their eyes.
And there are tractors and trains and cars and trucks.
Believe me, all of them cost plenty of bucks!
“I tried to finish my shopping today
When I went to the mall with Brenda and Kay.
I felt like a rat that was running a maze.
I came out of there with my mind in a haze.
“Shopping this year is really a pain.
I shopped all day—and what did I gain?
Two feet that are sore, more credit card bills,
A tension headache and stomach ills."
With a sigh and a groan she sank into her chair,
In hopes that the new year soon would be there.
“Next year will be different,” she quietly mused,
As into a nap she wistfully snoozed.
'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves",
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due compensation.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth...
"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
"I don't have an advent calendar so I'm just going around opening cupboard doors and eating what I find in there."
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing; it was on the house.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
I've always found a broken drum to be the perfect Christmas present:
You just can't beat it!
I'm an elf-taught Christmas decorator.
"God goes to those who have time to hear him—and so on this cloudless night he went to simple shepherds."
- Max Lucado
If I speak in the tongues of Christmas materialism and greed but have not love, I am only a tinny Christmas song or an out of tune choir.
If I have the gift of knowing what Aunt Agatha will give me this year and can even understand last year's present, and if I have the faith that I won't get yet more socks and ties this year but have not love, I am nothing.
If I clear out the house and give everything to charity and my credit cards are snapped in half but have not love, what can I possibly gain?
Love is patient when the fourth store you've tried doesn't have a bottle garden.
Love is kind and lets the couple with only a few items go in front of you and your bulging shopping cart.
Love does not envy your friend who gets mega-presents from everybody.
Love does not boast about the $1200 bike, the ipad, the TV, cell phone, and computer your dad gave you.
Love does not attempt to out-buy, out-wrap, and out-give the rest of the family just to impress.
Love doesn't cut Aunt Flo off your Christmas card list because she forgot you last year.
Love is not self-seeking and leaves a copy of your Christmas list in every room of the house.
Love is not easily angered when the young girl at the checkout takes forever because she is just temporary staff.
Love doesn't keep remembering how many times your mum forgets you don't like brussel sprouts.
Love does not delight in the commercial bandwagon but rejoices with the truth of a baby born in the stable.
Love always protects the family from Christmas hype.
Love always trusts that the hiding places for presents will remain secret for another year.
Love always hopes that this year more neighbors will drop in to your open house coffee morning.
Love always perseveres until the cards are written, the presents all bought, the shopping done, and the Christmas cake iced.
Toys may break, socks wear thin but love never fails.
Where there is the feeling of the presents to guess their contents, and mum going on about being good so Father Christmas will come, and searching through the cupboards to find your hidden presents, they will all stop.
For we think we know what we are getting, and we hope we know what we are getting but when Christmas Day arrives all will be revealed.
When I was a child I talked with big wide-open eyes about Christmas, thought that Christmas was all about me; I reasoned that Jesus should have been born more often. When I became an adult, I forgot the joy, wonder, and excitement of this special time.
Now we just hear about the angels, shepherds, and wise men, then we shall see them all the time. Now I know as much as the Bible says about the first Christmas, then I shall know just how many wise men there were and where they came from.
Now three things remain to be done:
To have faith that the baby born in a stable is the Son of God.
To hope that the true message of Christmas will not get discarded with the wrapping paper and unwanted gifts.
And the most important: to have a love for others like the one that God has for us.
Copyright 2001 Claire Jordan (caleb@eurobell.co.uk). Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. Suneel Barkat writes . . . .
I remember the time of my childhood. I used to wait for Christmas very anxiously because on every Christmas my father gave me money and gifts for Christmas celebrations. With this money and gifts I enjoyed time with my friends and shared gifts with others. I hope for Christmas with my father because my celebration depends on my father giving, and this is a source of joy for me and friends.
Today, when I look at the Christmas story, I remember my heavenly Father. He gives me the real true joy and shares his divine love and hope with me. I want to share my devotional message on three points.
John.3.16. God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.
The Good News is that God shared his only son with the world. Giving is not a easy job. It is possible because of love. Love makes us able so that we can share something with others. The Christmas message is to share your blessing with others. This is the real joy of Christmas. There are many needy and deserving people around you, so do not miss them. Share your blessings and Christ with them.
This event fulfills the hope of the world because many people were waiting for the Messiah to come into this world. Luke 2.23. And, behold, there was a man in Jerusalem, whose name was Simeon, and the man was just and devout, waiting for the consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him.
God fulfilled his hope and he saw the Christ. Today there is hope for world because the Son of Man has come into the world. There is no doubt of salvation. He is the Savior of the world. There is a medicine for the sin in the stable of Bethlehem. Come and take this medicine. There is hope for the world. You are not alone. Christ is with you, and this is great hope for the world and for me.
Christmas provides the opportunity of joy, as on Christmas after receiving gifts , I rejoice with my friends and share with my friends as God shared his joyful news . Luke 2:10 And the angel said unto them, "Fear not for, behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
This is the divine celebration and shepherds accepted this order and saw this good news in the manger. They were very joyful and happy, and they shared this joyful news with others, so they were the first Evangelists because they proclaimed this news and celebrated it with others. They worshipped God and praised Him. We have to celebrate this news with others. The news of the birth of Christ is a time of celebration for the world.
Let's celebrate by accepting Christ as our personal savior.
Read moreRev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Quite frankly, I do not believe in luck in any degree. Once in a while, I will say it, but I don't believe it. Luck has no place in my wallet.
Sometimes things happen that you can't plan for, which turns out to be rather good. Luck has nothing to do with it.
This past week my granddaughter went to the hospital on a Tuesday morning to have her first baby.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit, "What'll you have?"
The rabbit says, "I don't know. I'm only here because of autocorrect."
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
