Of course, you know the one about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniacs.
They lay awake every night wondering if there really is a dog.
"The city should hire the guy that salts the fries at McDonalds to do the roads!"
- unknown
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Sunday greetings, everyone!
Grandma Cybersalt is away this week at a conference in Toronto and for another visit with our daughter and her family. So once again it's time to run that intermittent science experiment at Cybersalt Word Headquarters: "See if Tim can keep himself alive for 7 days."
My strategy is to eat and sleep regularly and, because nobody will be around, not go up on the roof and fall off. Although, if I fall to the front of the house there is a good chance the mailman will notice me - especially if they need a signature!
Today's video share is, "The World's Smallest Movie." This stuff is so small it blows my mind, which is also made up of this small stuff!
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
One day our Little niece Rita went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"
My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life.
So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider.
When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Pennsylvania."
"The city should hire the guy that salts the fries at McDonalds to do the roads!"
- unknown
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Of course, you know the one about the agnostic, dyslexic, insomniacs.
They lay awake every night wondering if there really is a dog.
Letting your mind play is the best way to solve problems.
- Bill Watterson
In the ascertainment of an excogitation of linguistic proclivity, one might ascribe to the mentation that a phratry exists in which some encyclopedists designedly cultivate a nonplussed ambience hypothecated to befuddle the vox populi.
TRANSLATED: Judging from the words some people use, you'd think they purposely write to confuse the average person.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Ol' Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital, near death. The family called their preacher to stand with them.
As the preacher stood next to the bed, Ol' Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on.
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
On Sunday I reported that Pastor Suneel had found a house for him and his family to rent. That turned out to be short-lived for reasons of persecution and pressure put on his landlord by neighbours. However, another rental situation has been found so we are thankful to God for that provision.
Today's video share shows something pretty cool that you should definitely not play with!
Click here to watch the video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
1. You ski uphill.
2. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
3. You speed walk in your sleep.
4. You answer the door before people knock.
5. Juan Valdez has named his donkey after you.
6. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
7. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
8. You just completed another sweater and you don't even know how to knit.
9. You sleep with your eyes open.
10. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
11. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
12. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
13. You lick your coffee pot clean.
14. You spend your vacations visiting "Maxwell House."
15. You're the employee of the month at the local coffee house and you don't even work there.
16. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
17. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
18. You chew on other people's fingernails.
19. Cocaine is a downer.
20. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
21. All your kids are named "Joe."
22. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
23. You buy ½ and ½ by the barrel.
24. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their drinks.
25. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
26. You can jump-start your car without cables.
27. You've worn out the handle on your favourite mug.
28. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
29. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
30. You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
31. You don't sweat, you percolate.
32. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
33. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
34. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
35. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your home.
36. Instant coffee takes too long.
37. People get dizzy just watching you.
38. When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty-three more, I'll have a cup."
39. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
40. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
41. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio.
42. People can test their batteries in your ears.
43. You life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
44. You channel surf faster without a remote.
45. When someone asks, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop!"
46. You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
47. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
48. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
49. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
50. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
51. You named your cats "Cream" and "Sugar".
52. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
53. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
54. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
55. Your 3 favorite things in life are: coffee before, coffee during, and coffee after.
56. You can't even remember your second cup.
57. You help your dog chase its tail.
58. You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
59. Your Thermos has wheels.
60. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
61. You introduce your spouse as your "CoffeeMate."
62. Your first-aid kit contains 2-pints of coffee with an I-V hook-up.
63. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
64. You short out motion detectors.
65. You have conniptions over spilled milk.
66. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
67. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
68. You don't tan, you roast.
69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
70. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
71. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
72. You read this entire list.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
- George Carlin
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Air Pollution is a mist-demeanor.
Don't search for the meaning of life. Simply be present for the people you love.
- Maxime Lagacé
I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
by the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus, "What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.
And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue."
"Hush, child," said He "They're all in shock.
No one thought they'd see you."
David J. Nixon (1996)
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
