Cybersalt News

The big news today is that the Cybersalt Digest is going to be on hiatus (as in vacation and not hernia) for 2 weeks.

Mrs. Cybersalt and I are taking an extended holiday without the kids - the first time we have done so since before we had any. They are all old enough to fend for themselves now - especially the married one whose university graduation we are going to celebrate this weekend.

Regular mailings will resume after the middle of May. If you really need a joke fix before then, don't forget you can always read randomly selected jokes (selected from the over 3500 jokes in the archive) at:
http://www.cybersalt.org/clean-jokes/random-jokes

Have a great 2 weeks!

- Pastor Tim

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Shoe Follow"

Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel.

Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention.

"Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"

Today's CleanPun - "Podiatrist's Sign"

In a Podiatrist's office: "Time wounds all heels."

Today's One Liner

"It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, until you lose."

Today's CleanQuote

"I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
~ C. S. Lewis

Today's Illustration - "A Good Job Done"

Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The farmer's son was returning from the market with a crate of chickens his father had entrusted to him, when all of a sudden the box fell and broke open. Chickens scurried off in different directions, but the determined boy walked all over the neighborhood scooping up the wayward birds and returning them to the repaired crate. Hoping he had found them all, the boy reluctantly returned home, expecting the worst.

"Pa, the chickens got loose," the boy confessed sadly, "but I managed to find all twelve of them."

"Well, you done a good job, son," the farmer beamed, "because you only left with seven."

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.

Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel.

Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention.

"Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"

Don't laugh.
NASA started somewhere too.

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone.

The Westside Bible Church web site has been updated with my Easter Sunday message from last week. You can listen to "Washed Rabbits" at:
http://www.westsidefamily.org/washed-rabbits

Enjoy the rest of today's digest.

Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Science Quotes from Kids - Part 2"

~ H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.

~ To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

~ Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.

~ Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

~ Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

~ Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.

~ The moon is a planet, just like the earth, only it is even deader.

~ Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.

~ Mushrooms always grow in damp places so they look like umbrellas.

~ The pistol of a flower is its only protections against insects.

~ The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.

~ A permanent set of teeth consist of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.

~ The tides are a fight between the earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

~ A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is.

~ Germinate: To become a naturalized German.

~ Liter: A nest of young puppies.

~ Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

~ Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away.

~ Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky.

~ Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot.

~ Vacuum: A large, empty space where the Pope lives.

~ Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

~ To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.

~ For a nosebleed, put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops.

~ For dog bite put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

~ For head cold use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

~ To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

Pastor Tim pastored at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia from November 1996 to October 2017.