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Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm."

Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler, "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."

And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda, "The Apostles were in one Accord."

A man had started a new job at the zoo, after many months of being unemployed. He was determined to make a go of this job and on the first day he asked the Boss "What shall I do?"

"Clean out the fish tank" said the Boss.

So off he went and started cleaning out the tank, when by accident he sucked up the beautiful fish with the hoover. "Oh no! What shall I do? I'm going to get the sack!". He put the hoover on reverse and emptied all the fish back into the tank but they were all dead. In a state of panic, the man wrapped them up in a bag and threw them to the lions. 'No-one will ever know about it, the lions will eat them'.

The next day the man asked the Boss what he should do.

"Clean the Chimpanzee cage" said the Boss.

All was going well, he'd got the place looking immaculate when he accidentally hit one of the chimpanzees in the head with his broom. The chimpanzee was dead and the man got really worried because his job was in danger. He managed to wrap up the chimpanzee and again, threw it to the lions.

On the third day the man turned up early and asked the boss what he should do. "Sort out the Bee hive" said the Boss.

The man walked over to the hive and with all the protective clothing on, he felt confident that nothing could go wrong. Seeing the honey at the back of the hive, his hands went through, careful not to hurt any of the bees but he squashed a few by accident. "Oh no, I've really done it now, what shall I do?". Noticing the lions again, he threw the bees to the lions in the hope that they could dispose of them.

The next day a new lion arrived. Trying to impress all the lions in the cage he swaggered over to them and said "Hi, what's the food like in here?".

"Well, normally it's very good, steak and all that kind of thing but just recently it's been awful- Fish, Chimps and mushy bees!"

“The key to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

- Jean Giraudoux.

I try to sell insurance to every telemarketer that calls me. My insurance company is Calvary Trust.