This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap.
He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?"
The waiter sings, "O, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
Thanks to Doug Heffner for this original pun from way back in the 90s!
These cat puns are both horrible and painful! You were warned.
What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
- A duck filled fatty puss!
What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese?
- He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath.
What happened when the cat swallowed a coin?
- There was some money in the kitty.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a canary?
- Shredded tweet!
What do cat actors say in a Shakespearean play?
- Tabby or not tabby! That is the question.
What is the only kind of work a weak cat can do?
- Light mouse work
Why did the mother cat put stamps on her kittens?
- Because she wanted to mail the litter
Where did the kittens go on their class trip?
- To a mewseum (!!!!)
What kind of cars do cats drive?
- Catillacs
What does a cat get from watching too many Mickey Mouse films?
- Disney Spells
Where did the first cats live?
- Purr-sia and Paw-tugal
What do you get if you cross a parakeet with a cat?
- A peeping Tom
Hear about the cat who was a tennis fan?
- He had two brothers in the racket.
A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale.
"Afraid not," said the farmer.
"I'll give you a thousand bucks!" said the city fella.
"I can't sell you that horse. He don't look too good," replied the farmer.
"I know horses and he looks fine. I'll give you two thousand!"
"Well, all right, if you want him so bad."
The next day, the man returned the horse, screaming that he had been taken advantage of. "You sold me a blind horse!"
"Well," said the farmer, "I told you he didn't look too good."
A young family, feeling cramped in their small apartment, went shopping for a house. The parents looked at houses for a month before deciding on a two-story house in the country.
While driving to their new home, the mom was telling the children about the house; it was a big two-story house with lots of room. She told them about the big back yard with a swing-set; the playroom, big enough for all their toys; and each child would finally have a room of their own.
On their first night in their new home, the parents got the kids to bed later than usual, so they said they could only read one story.
The 4-year-old piped up, "No, this is a two story house!"
DENTIST: Crown Him with many crowns
CONTRACTORS: The church's one foundation
OBSTETRICIANS: Come, labour on
GOLFERS: There is a green hill far away
POLITICIANS: Standing on the promises
LIBRARIANS: Let all mortal flesh keep silence
LAWYERS: In the hour of trial
DRY CLEANERS: O for a faith that will not shrink
CREDIT CARD USERS: A charge of keep have I
CENSUS TAKERS: All people that on earth do dwell
TAXATION OFFICERS: We give thee but thine own
TRAFFIC ENGINEERS: Where cross the crowded ways of life
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
