Entertainment

A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told him to wait in the examining room. A half-hour later, a nurse came in and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

So she gave him a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, told him to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked him what he had.

He said, "Shingles."

The doctor said, "Where?"

He said, "Outside in the truck. Where do you want them?"

An inflatable student goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster walking towards him and he pulls a knife out and stabs him.

He runs out of the school. As he gets outside, he thinks again, "I hate school," and pulls his knife out and stabs the inflatable school. He runs off to his inflatable home.

Two hours later his inflatable mum is knocking at his inflatable bedroom door with the inflatable police. Panicking, inflatable boy pulls out the knife and stabs himself.

Later in that evening, he wakes up in an inflatable hospital and sees the inflatable headmaster in the inflatable bed next to him. Shaking his deflated head the headmaster gravely intones: "You've let me down; you've let the school down, but worst of all, you've let yourself down."

A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant.

A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant."

A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah, "...and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land."

When the Pastor finished the scripture quotation, he started trying to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, "What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today.

One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire congregation to hear, "It proves, even a fish can't stomach a bad preacher!"