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A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately flew to NY and then on West to Yellowstone. They reported to the local ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was much too dangerous to go out and study the animals.

They pleaded that this was their only chance. Finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given cell phones and told to report in each and every day.

For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists. The rangers mounted a search party and found the scientists' camp completely ravaged. No sign of the missing men.

They then followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident.

They killed the female and cut open the bear's stomach... only to find the remains of the Russian.

One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?"

"Of course," the other ranger nodded.

"The Czech is in the male."

Three men came back from fishing one day, but when they got back to their truck, they saw it was surrounded by three bears. One of the men said, "OK, guys, I figure the only way we're gonna get back to the truck is to make these bears really angry. Then they'll leave and we can go home.

"Ed, you take that one on the left, the little cub with a broken leg. I'll take the one in the middle, the little cub with one eye and a hurt paw. Joe, you take the one on the right, the mama bear."

Joe looked and saw a huge silvertip grizzly bear with big teeth and froth around her mouth.

"Hey, man, wait a sec. I'm supposed to get this monster angry, and you guys get the cubs? That's not fair!"

"Now, now, Joe," was the reply. "We all have our bears to cross."

Benny worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him.

"Master," the genie began, "I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."

Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49 percent of the total Microsoft stock, which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and lo and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune, and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.

Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded.

Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.

The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Some of these are pretty bad.

What birds spend all their time on their knees?

Birds of prey.

What do you call a very rude bird?

A mockingbird.

Where do birds meet for coffee?

In a nest-cafe.

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?

Fowl play.

What language do birds speak?

Pigeon English.

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?

A bird that will talk you ear off.

What happened when the owl lost his voice?

He didn't give a hoot.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A great walkie-talkie.