Entertainment

A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant.

A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant."

A Preacher was doing his "Children's Church" sermon where all the youngsters come down front and hear a story. The pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the scriptures from Jonah, "...and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land."

When the Pastor finished the scripture quotation, he started trying to solicit input from the youngsters to help him complete his mini-sermon. He asked thoughtfully, "What does the fish vomiting Jonah out on dry land indicate to us today.

One of the youngsters spoke with great enthusiasm for the entire congregation to hear, "It proves, even a fish can't stomach a bad preacher!"

If you have a use for another clean joke, here's an original. (Darren Marlar distributed it through his Unnamed Daily radio prep site last year).

A youth pastor thoroughly enjoyed movie night with his young charges, but towards the end of the evening, he got a popcorn hull caught in a back tooth. He worried at it with his tongue, tried snagging it with his fingernail, and even tried to brush it out when he got home, but nothing worked. Frustrated, he went to bed. In the morning, the gums around the popcorn hull were a bit swollen. His wife insisted he see the dentist, so he called. To his surprise the dentist told him to come right in.

Once in the chair, the dentist had the offending hull out in a matter of seconds. "That's amazing!" said the pastor.

"How did you do that? I tried everything I could think of but couldn't get it out!"

"Oh, Pastor," responded the dentist, "Don't you know that kind only comes out with prayer and flossing?"

It is a little-known fact that King Arthur had more knights than is usually believed. They included:

~ Sir Face - the devastatingly handsome, but disappointingly shallow knight

~ Sir Pass - Arthur's best knight of all

~ Sir Port - A great help to all the other knights

~ Sir Culation - A knight who got around a bit - popular at parties

~ Sir Prise - the knight who could always be relied on to do the unexpected

~ Sir Vey - a watchful knight

~ Sir Monise - a rather long-winded and droning knight, but a good, moral sort

~ Sir Cuitous - a knight who approached his duties in a roundabout way

~ Sir Pose - a knight who stands by wild predictions

~ Sir Cumflex - a knight with a strange accent

~ Sir Cumvent - the evasive knight

~ Sir Reen - a calm and cheerful knight

~ Sir Spicious - a paranoid knight

~ Sir Real - a vague and insubstantial knight

~ Sir Cumstances - a knight whose fault it never was

Then there were the non identical twins - Winter Solstice and Summer Solstice - the longest and shortest knights.