Entertainment

One night, as Al was watching TV, the doorbell rang. He went to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar, threw him across the room, and then left. Al picked himself up and phoned his friend Tony to tell him the bizarre story.

"That's amazing," said Tony. "The same this happened to me an hour ago! This huge cockroach rang my doorbell, and when I answered, the bug punched me in the gut and left!"

Al and Tony decided to visit their buddy Vince and get his advice. When they finished telling their tales, Vince said: "This is too weird, guys. When I got home from work this afternoon, a huge bug was waiting for me at the door. He beat me up real bad! I think we better go to the cops and get this settled."

So the three men went to the local police station and reported their experiences. The desk sergeant just shook his head. "Sorry, fellas, there's nothing we can do. There's just a nasty bug going around."

There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors

(gates) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor.

One day one of the workers, named Peter, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down.

Visitors to the cathedral witnessed the sexton of the cathedral, with his head tipped up, yelling to the heavens, "Peter! Close the gates!"

After 50 years preaching from the same pulpit, a much loved pastor decided to retire. Because the church building was classically elegant, the manse spacious and comfortable and the congregation large and generous, applications poured in. The board of elders was faced with the daunting task of sifting through the resumes to find a replacement. One night the board president voiced his concerns at home. His computer savvy son said, "Don't worry Dad, I can create a program to help you."

The next week the son showed up with his laptop and demonstrated his program for the board. "The program takes everything into account from the number of Scripture verses the preacher uses, to the length of the sermon, to the number of hesitations he uses, and to the congregation reaction. Then it is all compiled into one easy-to-read graph here on the screen."

The board agreed that the program might be able to save them a lot of work and decided to try it.

The next week the first candidate was scheduled to preach. The son set up the computer, a microphone and several cameras in the church. The elders observed that the preaching was a a bit lackluster and that several congregants had nodded off, but decided to wait until they saw what the computer said.

After the service, they asked the son, "So how did he rate?"

The young man replied, "He was a 5 on the rector scale."

A young minister was filling in for Norman Vincent Peal at Marblegate Cathedral. Ascending the pulpit he looked at the magnificent colored glass windows and told the congregation: "You know, these beautiful windows remind me of your pastor and his sermons. I'm afraid that I will be like that piece of cardboard in that broken window over there by comparison." After finishing a marvelous sermon, he said farewell to the people leaving.

One little old lady warmly shook his hand and gazing fondly up at him gushed: "Oh Pastor, you weren't just a piece of cardboard, you were a real pane!"