"Indescribable" sure has a lot of words.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can - that's almost $7.00 in dog money."
- Joe Weinstein
Silence is Golden unless you have a toddler; then, silence is just suspicious.
Last night I watched a movie about Stockholm Syndrome; at first I hated it, but halfway through I never wanted it to end.
"Jet lag is nature's way of making sure you look like your passport photo."
I would like to join whatever weight loss program my wallet is on because its working wonders.
"Men say that women should come with instructions, but have you ever seen a man read instructions?"
"A lot of people cry when they chop onions, but the trick is not to form an emotional bond."
"Always bring a nail file, scissors, tweezers, a corkscrew, a toothpick and a bottle opener to a knife fight."
- The Swiss Army
"You may say that I'm a dreamer: the clinical term is narcoleptic."
"When one door closes another one opens, you should really get that cabinet fixed."
"When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's cute - I just find it strange how many people have knives on a date."
“They all laughed when I said I’d become a comedian - well, they’re not laughing now!”
- Bob Monkhouse
Remember half the people you know are below average.
"Save the whales - collect the whole set!"