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Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start."

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.

Answers to the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone - and welcome to August!

We are in the midst of enjoying a 2 week long visit by our 12 year old grandson who flew across the country on his own to get here. The world just keeps getting fuller and fuller of things that remind me I am getting older!

The irony of today's video share not lost on me. This is something I am working on in my life, so if it is something that speaks to you, you are not alone - but enough about me!
Click Here to Watch

Enjoy the rest of today's Digest. 

~ Pastor Tim 

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place

On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water.

On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test.

On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device.

On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area.

On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening.

On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony.

On work gloves: For best results, do not leave at crime scene.

On a palm sander: Not to be used to sand palms.

On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied.

On Odor Eaters: Do not eat.

On a blender: Not for use as an aquarium.

On a microscope: Objects in view are larger and more alarming than they appear.

On alphabet blocks: Not for children. Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

A hacker just called me and said he has all my passwords ... I jumped up, grabbed a pen and paper, and said, "Thank goodness! What are they?"

Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.

Police are combing the area.

When someone is broken,
don't try to fix them.
(You can't.)

When someone is hurting,
don't attempt to take away their pain.
(You can't.)

Instead, love them by walking beside them in the hurt.
(You can.)

Because sometimes what people need is simply to know
they aren't alone.

- attr. Jenny Albers

Take some of the most common excuses for not going to church and use them to stop attending sporting events and here’s what you get:

~ Every time I went, they asked me for money.

~ The people I had to sit by didn't seem very friendly.

~ The seats were too hard and not comfortable at all.

~ The coach never came to call on me.

~ The referee made a decision with which I could not agree.

~ I was sitting with some hypocrites -- they came only to see what others were wearing.

~ Some games went into overtime, and I was late getting home.

~ The band played some numbers that I had never heard before.

~ The games are scheduled when I want to do other things.

~ My parents took me to too many games when I was growing up.

~ Since I read a book on sports, I feel that I know more than the coaches anyhow.

~ I don't want to take my children, because I want them to choose for themselves what sport they like best.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

I have noticed recently that sleeping has become a very important part of my life. This just snuck up on me overnight.

When I was young and living at home, I tried to come up with excuses and reasons for not going to bed at night. My parents had an early bedtime schedule that they enforced rather strictly. Try as I might, I was never successful in beating that schedule.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.

Police are combing the area.