Entertainment

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

We watched the latest Mission Impossible movie with our grandson last Saturday. SPOILER ALERT: It was possible.

Today's video share is about an artist who believes his art is a staple of life! 
Click Here to Watch.

Enjoy the rest of today's digest!

~ Pastor Tim 

Answers to the question: “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes.

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.

Bill Clinton: The chicken did NOT cross the road. Not a single time. Never. (It was a boulevard.)

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book.

Blake: To see heaven in a wild fowl.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Constable: To get a better view.

Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

David Hume: Out of custom and habit.

Donne: It crosseth for thee.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Dr Johnson: Sir, had you known the Chicken for as long as I have, you would not so readily enquire, but feel rather the Need to resist such a public Display of your own lamentable and incorrigible Ignorance.

Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus: For fun.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

George W. Bush: Because that’s what the Iraqi people wanted.

Hamlet: That is not the question.

Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Hillary Clinton: It was part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against my husband.

Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo-sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DEAD DEAD!

Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

Johann von Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

John Kerry: I actually voted for the chicken to cross before I voted against it crossing.

John Sununu: The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

Kafka: Hardly the most urgent enquiry to make of a low-grade insurance clerk who woke up that morning as a hen.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Keats: Philosophy will clip a chicken's wings.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road", and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Macbeth: To have turned back were as tedious as to go o'er.

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Martin Luther King Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Michael Schumacher: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

Molly Yard: It was a hen!

Moses: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!

Mrs. Thatcher: This chicken's not for turning.

Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Oliver North: National Security was at stake.

Oliver Stone: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

Othello: Jealousy.

Plato: For the greater good.

Pope: It was mimicking my Lord Hervey.

Pyrrho the Skeptic: What road?

Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Salvador Dali: The Fish.

Supreme Soviet: There has never been a chicken in this photograph.

Swift: It is, of course, inevitable that such a loathsome, filth-ridden and degraded creature as Man should assume to question the actions of one in all respects his superior.

The Godfather: I didn't want its mother to see it like that.

The Sphinx: You tell me.

Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Whitehead: Clearly, having fallen victim to the fallacy of misplaced concreteness.

Wordsworth: To wander lonely as a cloud.

Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Kindergarten Teacher: To get to the other side

The Chicken: To show the opossum that it could be done!

The fishing was so bad even the liars didn't catch anything.

My boat wasn't feeling well so we went straight to the dock!

"If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now."

- attr. Elizabeth Gilbert

I've long maintained that the distinction between "professionals" and "amateurs" is often very slight, often amounting to little more than that the former are paid and the latter are not. This is in no small measure because professional arrogance has been known to become intolerable if left unchecked.

So it happened that a patient was making his first visit to the doctor.

"And whom," began the physician with utmost dignity, "did you consult about your illness before you came to me?"

"Only the pharmacist down at the corner," replied the patient.

The doctor could not conceal his contempt for the medical advice of the great "unwashed," who are not qualified to practice medicine.

"And what sort of ridiculous advice did that fool give you?"

"He told me," replied the patient innocently, "to come and see you ..."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Susan Page writes . . . . 

- photo by Susan PageThere are occasions in life that can catch us off guard, even though we knew they were going to take place. It doesn’t make sense if you think about it, but it happens. Let me give you an example, and then I will share what God continues to teach me. My faithful Father is such a patient teacher.

On the day in question, I picked up the mail and saw two official-looking envelopes from the government. It made sense because I had recently renewed my driver’s license and health card. However, I discovered this official paperwork was for Canada and the Old Age Pension. Now, as I said earlier, it’s not that I didn’t know the paperwork was coming, but I wasn’t expecting it quite that soon. When I shared with my eldest that I didn’t know how I got here so soon, and I couldn’t possibly be this age, her very affirming remark was, “Keep telling yourself that, mom.” 😊 Some people are curious as to why “cash for life” would make me anxious.

Let me try to explain …

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

My boat wasn't feeling well so we went straight to the dock!

The fishing was so bad even the liars didn't catch anything.

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia has set in.

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't, know where to start."

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.