If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Goober - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket - went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Goober, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
Oh look, Chicken Thursday! I hope something wonderful hatches for you today.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Goober - who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket - went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Goober, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
He was again surprised that Goober supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Goober, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Goober looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Goober wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.
Goober was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Always try to be modest ... and be proud of it!
"My steering wheel won't turn," Tom said straightforwardly.
"Holding a grudge against someone means you think you know what they deserve and you take it upon yourself to give it to them."
- Tim Keller
Being a teenager and getting a tattoo seem to go hand in hand. I wasn't surprised when a friend of my daughter showed me a Japanese symbol on her hip.
"Please don't tell my parents," she begged.
"I won't," I promised. "Just curious, what does that stand for?"
She replied, "Honesty."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Always try to be modest ... and be proud of it!
Sunday greetings everyone!
Rev. James Snyder might not be as quick at spotting a Nigerian email scam as his wife is - maybe. You can read, "Hallelujah, It IS a Scam" at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/hallelujah-it-is-a-scam
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Martha's way: If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix me up"
My way: If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's just too bad. My motto is, I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes.
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Martha's way: To easily remove burnt-on food from your skillet, simply add a drop or two of dish soap and enough water to cover bottom of pan, and bring to a boil on stove top.
My way: Eat out every night and avoid cooking.
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Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
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Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling.
My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway?
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Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room temperature and roll them under your palm against the kitchen counter before squeezing.
My way: Buy the lemon or lime juice that is in the little plastic lemon or lime.
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Martha's way: Now look what you can do with Alka-Seltzer.
*Clean a toilet. Drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets, wait twenty minutes, brush and flush. The citric acid and effervescent action clean vitreous china.
*Clean a vase. To remove a stain from the bottom of a glass vase fill with water and drop in two Alka-Seltzer tablets.
*Polish jewelry. Drop two Alka-Seltzer tablets into a glass of water and immerse the jewelry for two minutes.
*Clean a thermos bottle. Fill the bottle with water, drop in four Alka-Seltzer tablets, and let soak for an hour (or longer, if necessary).
My way: Put your jewelry, vases, and thermos in the toilet. Add some Alka-Seltzer and you have solved a whole bunch of problems at once.
Ever consider what dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul - chicken, port, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
- Anne Tyler
I can't remember how to write 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I am LIVID!
"Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much."
- Blaise Pascal
In chemistry, He turned water into
wine.
In biology, He was born without the normal conception.
In physics, He disapproved the law of gravity when He ascended into heaven.
In economics, He disapproved the law of diminishing return by feeding 5,000 men with two fishes and 5 loaves of bread.
In medicine, He cured the sick and the blind without administering a single dose of drugs.
In history, He is the beginning and the end.
In government, He said that he shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace.
In religion, He said no one comes to the Father except through him; So. Who is He?
He is Jesus! The greatest man in history.
Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master.
He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.
He had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.
He had no army, yet kings feared Him.
He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.
He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.
He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
I can't remember how to write 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.
I am LIVID!
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
