Go ahead and give your pastor a bonus based on church growth... it will bring a new meaning to the words Great Commission.
"I am myself, and I'm going to continue to play that role!"
- Richard Nixon
There's a man trying to cross the street.
As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
So the guy turns around to go back, but the car changes lanes again and is still coming at him.
Issue #4438
Sunday greetings everyone!
Ooops! (again) I just went to send this mailing and see that Thursday's mailings did not go out. As the caveman once said, "Ugggh." I'll just send last Thursday's out next Thursday. In the meantime here is today's Sunday mailing and not last Sunday's mailing today.
Rev. James Snyder did not send me a new article this week so I dusted off and updated an old one on the site from 15 years ago! In the article he reminisces about an eccentric senior lady in a previous congregation he pastored as a young man. You can read "Learn To Recognize The Source of All Blessings" at
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/learn-to-recognize-the-source-of-all-blessings
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Okay?
~ I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet...
~ I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Food Giant.
~ Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
~ I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
~ The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I'm startled.
~ The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
~ I prefer to remain an enigma.
~ I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
~ I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
~ I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
~ I refuse to travel to my job until there is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
~ I've used up all my sick days...so I'm calling in dead!
~ I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi) clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
I used to think that marriage was a 50 - 50 proposition ... until I realized that I knew nothing about women or fractions.
- Walter McLauren
I've been to a lot of places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone, you have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito either. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport, you have to be driven there. I have made several trips.
"Patience is not about how long you wait, it is about how well you behave while you are waiting."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to buy a new computer instead.
During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring. Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee.
"Honey," he said, "will you buy me a new computer?"
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
I used to think that marriage was a 50 - 50 proposition ... until I realized that I knew nothing about women or fractions.
- Walter McLauren
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
