We're really out here living the most difficult section of someone's 2060 history exam.
A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them to please leave him alone. However, it was clear that he wasn't going to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity.
"OK!" he said with exasperation, "Follow me." And he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him.
An astronomer was on an expedition to Darkest Africa to observe a total eclipse of the sun, when he was captured by cannibals.
The eclipse was due the next day around noon.
To gain his freedom he planned to pose as a god and threaten to extinguish the sun if he was not released. The timing had to be just right. So, in the few words of the cannibals' primitive tongue that he knew, he asked his guard what time they planned to kill him.
The guard answered, "Tradition has it that captives are to be killed when the sun reaches the highest point in the sky on the day after their capture, so that they may be cooked and ready to be served for the evening meal."
"Great," the astronomer replied.
The guard continued, though, "But because everyone is so excited about it, in your case we're going to wait until after the eclipse."
Eating too much cake would be the sin of gluttony. However, eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pi is always zero.
Sunday greetings everyone!
As you probably remember, a week ago I drove the pickup over to drop off a load of branches and yard waste — and couldn't unload any of it because the tailgate refused to come down. Today Grandma Cybersalt and I drove back over, and the gate behaved itself. The brush and yard waste are finally out of the truck. I did give the mechanism a generous shot of WD-40 between trips, so that may have made the difference. Then again, it might just be that the truck was afraid to misbehave with Susan around. Either way, I'll take it.
Today's video share is about a rare micro blue moon that's happening tonight — and as the saying goes, this is a chance you only get once in a blue moon. If the sky is clear where you are, step outside and look up.
Click Here To Watch
Enjoy the rest of today's Digest.
~ Pastor Tim
As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working in labor and delivery. One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen.
"That sure is an unusual looking whale," I commented.
With a sad smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."
If you fill a piñata with ketchup, you never have to host a children's birthday party again.
If we are to be serious about saving the planet, we should stop printing calendars. They're the reason our days are numbered!
"Failure is a great teacher and, if you are open to it, every mistake has a lesson to offer."
- Oprah Winfrey
Ooh...Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings or of God?Or am I trying to please people?Please people...
If I were still trying to please people,I would not be a servant of Christ.
Heavenly Father,
Help us remember, that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night, is a single mother, who worked nine hours that day and was rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.
Help us to remember, that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.
Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day, is a slave to addictions that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.
Help us to remember, that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.
Help us to remember that those in our country that do not speak 'our' language may be able to speak the language of love, if we would be patient, and understand that they feel alone, and out of place, and are looking for a new beginning from a place of poverty, persecution, and hopelessness to a place of security, freedom, and a promise for a future.
Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts, not just to those who are close to us, but to all humanity.
Let us be slow to judgment and quick to forgiveness and patience and empathy and love.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
A lot of things in life, I am not very good at. That list could go on and on and on. Not only am I not good at some things, but I'm terrible at most things.
However, I am actually excellent at a few things. I think the top of that list is eating, which I do with a passion that might make you smile.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
