Entertainment

Today I made a snow angle.

Morris had been playing golf for years, and he had the finest equipment, but his technique never improved a bit.

As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods.

"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend Sam asked.

"I've never had an old ball," Morris said.

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Here is a Cybersalt World Headquarters office temperature update: the new fireplace is ordered and I'm looking forward to it being installed in the next couple of weeks. However, I'm not complaining about the room climate. Grandma Cybersalt and I have been hearing from a number of refugees who are just now experiencing snow for the first time since they finally found safety. They aren't complaining either - just commenting that it's very COLD!

Safety is a type of warmth that cold temperatures cannot steal.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Memo Differences

Memo from Director General to Manager:

Today at 11 o'clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the car park. Staff should meet in the car park at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.

Memo from Manager to Department Head:

Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will disappear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles.

The Director General will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some background information. This is not something that can be seen every day.

Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:

The Director General will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.

Memo From Floor Manager to Supervisor:

Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the Director General will eclipse the sun for two minutes. This doesn't happen every day. It will be safe, but it will cost you.

Memo from Supervisor to staff:

Some staff will go to the car park today to see the Director General disappear. It is a pity this doesn't happen every day.

Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1428

Self-Annihilating Sentence: Attitudes

Activity is a waste of time!

Today's Clean Pun

Panning Observation

He who is without oil shall throw the first rod.

- Compressions 8.7:1

Today's Quote

Quote #1866

"Every church is a congregation of sinners...and if that isn't bad enough, they all have sinners for pastors."

- Eugene Peterson

Today's Illustration

Respect and Position

During the eight years he served as Eisenhower's vice president, Richard Nixon had many reminders of the esteem accorded to people in his position. Once, the Nixons were staying at a hotel in Chicago when a fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. Hundreds of guests, including Dick and Pat Nixon, were herded into the lobby.

Once Nixon realized that it was a false alarm, he and his wife headed for the elevator.

"Just a minute," said the hotel's security chief. "Everyone stays in the lobby until we get the all clear."

"I'm the vice president," Nixon said.

"Oh," the security chief said. "Sorry. Go right ahead."

Nixon pressed the elevator button, and the security chief had second thoughts.

"Vice president?" he said. "Of what?"

"Of the United States," Nixon answered.

"Get back out here," the security chief said. "I thought you were a vice president of the hotel."

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

"If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one at:
https://www.cybersalt.org/pastor-tim-s-cleanlaugh-site/what-is-a-goober

A lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and even a hired clown. Just before the party started, two goobers showed up looking for a handout.

Feeling sorry for the goobers, the woman told them that they could get a meal if they would chopped some wood out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.