Entertainment

- From a toy store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."

- In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."

- Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."

- From a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."

- In a Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras: $70,000. Three for $200,000.

- A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."

- In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar to remind him when payments are due."

"Join us at the church tonight for the hanging of the greens: they should have known better than to sit in the wrong pew."

Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

Ask and you shall receive! A big thank-you to Cybersaltine G. Winter who came through with a Christmas Chicken picture starring her granddaughter. She also sent a picture 18 months ago, also starring her granddaughter. BTW, if it is a cold winter where you are it is her husband's fault!

Remember, if you have any original Christmas Chicken pictures (live ones only please) send it to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.  and I will use them right away.

There is a new Christmas themed Funny Cat Picture on the Cybersalt site. You can check out "Bye Bye Ornament" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-cat-pictures/bye-bye-ornament

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim

Today's CleanLaugh

Christmas in Australia

Thanks to list member Clarice M.H. who told me that "The Night Before Christmas in Texas, That Is" was written by Leon A. Harris - a student teacher she had. Clarice wrote, "Knowing my fondness for this poem, (he) gave me a book of it which I still have. Harris copyrighted the poem in 1952. My book is dated 1977." Thanks for letting us know Clarice.

Then, list member Heather D. of Australia wrote,

"Pastor Tim, as there are a lot of subscribers to your lists in Australia, I rewrote the "Texas Christmas" piece. I have not requested permission from the writer - I don't know how to contact him - but I am sending this to you any way."

Heather has even supplied some definitions for us "up-over" types (I didn't even know I had a "ute"!) So thanks to Heather for her Australian adaption of Leon. A. Harris's "The Night Before Christmas in Texas, That Is"

Twas the night before Christmas, In Australia you know,
Way down on the beach, without any snow.

Asleep in their beach hut, were Bud and Sue,
A dreaming of Christmas, like me and like you.

Not stockings but jet skis , at the foot of their beds,
For this was Australia, What more need be said?

When all of a sudden from out the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright!

And I saw 'cross the sand dunes, like the shot from a gun,
A loaded up ute, Come on at a run.

The driver was shouting as he left the road
And the Heelers were sitting on top of the load

"Come on there Blue, Dfor, and Dog, hold on tight
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you-all tonight..

The driver in his bathers, and a towel that was red,
Had a bright red sun hat on the top of his head.

As he stepped from the ute, he was really a sight,
with his beard so curly and white.

As he burst in the beach hut, the children awoke,
And both so astonished, that neither one spoke.

And he filled up their jet skis with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.

When Bud recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper "Are you really Santa Claus?"

"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?
And he smiled as he gave his mysterious wink.

Then he left in his ute, and called back in slang
g'day CHILDREN OF Ausie-MERRY CHRISTMAS cooee!

Translation:

ute. = Short for utility know in USA as pick up
Heelers = Blue heeler dogs
Blue, Dfor & Dog = common dog names
G'day = hello how are you today? keeping well I hope! I'll catch up with you later. (saves a lot of energy talking)
Cooee = used to call out to attract the attention of some one usually used in the bush,

Today's One Liner

One-Liner #1436

Instead of presents this year I'm giving everyone my opinion:

Get ready!

Today's Clean Pun

Festive Retribution

"Join us at the church tonight for the hanging of the greens: they should have known better than to sit in the wrong pew."

Today's Quote

Quote 1874

"Stop disliking people over what you've heard and be thankful God isn't disliking YOU over what He KNOWS."

Today's Illustration

Hearing What You Can't See

My dad gave 50 bucks to a guy who said he needed to buy medicine for his kids. I told my dad he was probably going to spend the money on alcohol or something, but my dad said that "whether he was lying or not says something about his character, but hearing someone in need and choosing not to help when I have the means to says something about mine."

I never forget that.

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Thanks to list member Clarice M.H. who told me that "The Night Before Christmas in Texas, That Is" was written by Leon A. Harris - a student teacher she had. Clarice wrote, "Knowing my fondness for this poem, (he) gave me a book of it which I still have. Harris copyrighted the poem in 1952. My book is dated 1977." Thanks for letting us know Clarice.

Then, list member Heather D. of Australia wrote,

"Pastor Tim, as there are a lot of subscribers to your lists in Australia, I rewrote the "Texas Christmas" piece. I have not requested permission from the writer - I don't know how to contact him - but I am sending this to you any way."

Heather has even supplied some definitions for us "up-over" types (I didn't even know I had a "ute"!) So thanks to Heather for her Australian adaption of Leon. A. Harris's "The Night Before Christmas in Texas, That Is"

Twas the night before Christmas, In Australia you know,
Way down on the beach, without any snow.