Your Source of Cyber Salt for the Cyber World

sign up for free cybersalt today button

  • Home
  • Blogs
    • Archives
    • Ask Juan
    • God's Penman
    • Guest Authors
    • Moving With God
    • Shirley Choat
    • Simply Susan
    • Suneel Barkat
    • Susan Page
    • Totally Tim
  • Entertainment
    • Cartoons
    • Clean Jokes
    • Clean Puns
    • Fun Blog
    • Funny Pictures
    • One-liners
    • Games
    • Pearly Gates Jokes
    • Daily Cartoon
    • Random Jokes
    • Cybersalt Digest Archive
    • Your Turn to Be Funny
  • Inspiration
    • Body of Christ Connection
    • Illustrations
    • Quotes
    • Random Quotes
    • Truth and Reconciliation
    • Videos
    • Be A Billionaire Fund Raiser
  • News
    • Cybersalt News
    • News Feeds
    • Letters
    • Better Computing
  • Support
    • Web Hosting Packages
    • Domain Registration
    • Web Design
    • Login
    • FaceBook Modules
    • Contact Support
  • Archive

Entertainment

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4604 - December 13, 2020

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest


Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings everyone!

Tim and Susan Christmas MasksGrandma Cybersalt and I received some Covid Christmas cheer in the mail the other day from my sister. She is a very talented seamstress, in fact I still wear shirts she made for me when I went off to Bible College in 1984! As you'll see in the accompanying picture, this latest gift is something I hope we won't be wearing that long: matching masks, which is something we haven't had since we went to a Halloween party dressed as brother and sister racoons.

Speaking of Grandma Cybersalt, here in our province, we are not allowed to go into a house we don't live in until at least January 8, 2021. So Susan went shopping yesterday for  some of our regular groceries and a special intimate purchase - a turkey roll for our upcoming Christmas dinner were we will be the only people dining. The price of the turkey roll she picked out was $19.00, which is more than Susan would ever pay for such an item, but in the spirit of celebration was still a purchase she could make with her heart. That is until she noticed she could get a whole turkey for $18.00.

You guessed it, on Christmas Eve (the traditional day we have our big Christmas meal) we will be sitting down to a full turkey dinner for two, for three or four days. We aren't allowed to travel anywhere this Christmas, but we will be definitely be experiencing some tryptophan.

Which brings me to my video share for today. I do a lot of my web work very late, and night and well into the early hours of the morning. I have been struggling to find Christmas music that can deliver a proper balance of festive entertainment while still blending into the background and not being a distraction. A few nights ago I came across this video, entitled, "Ambient Instrumental Christmas Music with Winter Scenery." I found it so enjoyable as it played that I thought to myself, "I have to take at least one nap during the holidays with this playing in the background."

And now that I know I am responsible for eating half a turkey, I'm pretty confident I will be able to execute that plan to perfection.

You can watch the video by clicking here.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

~ Pastor Tim



X-Files Christmas

santa christmas eve57 Elm Street Bethlehem, Pa.
11:51 p.m., December 24th.

"We're too late!  It's already been here."

"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."

"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care."

"You really think someone's been here?"

"Someone, or something."

"Mulder, over here--it's a fruitcake."

"Don't touch it!  Those things can be lethal."

"It's O.K.  There's a note attached: 'Gonna find out who's naughty and nice.'"

"It's judging them, Scully.  It's making a list."

"Who?  What are you talking about?"

"Ancient mythology tells of an obese humanoid entity who could travel at great speed in a craft powered by antlered servants.  Once a year, near the winter solstice, this creature is said to descend from the heavens to reward its followers and punish disbelievers with jagged chunks of anthracite."

"But that's legend, Mulder--a story told by parents to frighten children.  Surely you don't believe it?"

"Something was here tonight, Scully.  Check out the bite marks on this gingerbread man.  Whatever tore through this plate of cookies was alive--and in a hurry."

"It left crumbs everywhere.  And look, Mulder, this milk glass has been completely drained."

"It gorged itself, Scully.  It fed without remorse."

"But why would they leave it milk and cookies?"

"Appeasement.  Tonight is the Eve, and nothing can stop its wilding."

"But if this thing does exist, how did it get in?  The doors and windows were locked.  There's no sign of forced entry."

"Unless I miss my guess, it came through the fireplace."

"Wait a minute, Mulder.  If you're saying some huge creature landed on the roof and came down this chimney, you're crazy.  The flue is barely six inches wide.  Nothing could get down there."

"But what if it could alter its shape, move in all directions at once?"

"You mean, like a bowl full of jelly?"

"Exactly.  Scully, I've never told anyone this, but when I was a child my home was visited.  I saw the creature.  It had long white shanks of fur surrounding its ruddy, misshapen head.  Its bloated torso was red and white.  I'll never forget the horror.  I turned away, and when I looked back it had somehow taken on the facial features of my father."

"Impossible."

"I know what I saw.  And that night it read my mind.  It brought me a Mr. Potato Head, Scully.  It knew that I wanted a Mr. Potato Head!"

"I'm sorry, Mulder, but you're asking me to disregard the laws of physics.  You want me to believe in some supernatural being who soars across the skies and brings gifts to good little girls and boys.  Listen to what you're saying.  Do you understand the repercussions?  If this gets out, they'll close the X-files."

"Scully, listen to me: It knows when you're sleeping.  It knows when you're awake."

"But we have no proof."

"Last year, on this exact date, SETI radio telescopes detected bogeys in the airspace over twenty-seven states.  The White House ordered a condition Red."

"But that was a meteor shower."

"Officially.  Two days ago, eight prized Scandinavian reindeer vanished from the National Zoo, in Washington, D.C.  Nobody--not even the zookeeper--was told about it.  The government doesn't want people to know about Project Kringle.  They fear that if this thing is proved to exist the public will stop spending half its annual income in a holiday shopping frenzy.  Retail markets will collapse.  Scully, they cannot let the world believe this creature lives.  There's too much at stake. They'll do whatever it takes to insure another silent night."

"Mulder, I--"

"Sh-h-h.  Do you hear what I hear?"

"On the roof.  It sounds like ...  a clatter."

"The truth is up there.  Let's see what's the matter."



One-Liner #1530

The first Christmas was pretty simple ... it's okay if yours is too.



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Streetcret Ingredient

snow roadThe weatherman describes this as unseasonable weather.

Of course its unseasoned -- that's why the city maintenance crew put salt on it.



Quote #1968

quote 1968

"Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love."

- Hamilton Wright Mabi



Christmas Signs

christmas signHere are some signs seen around Christmas time.

Toy Store: "Ho, ho, ho spoken here."

Outside a church: "The original Christmas Club."

At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd."

A Texas jewelery store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000."

A reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas."

In a stationery store: "For the man who has everything: A calendar to remind him when payments are due."

Bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

Christmas Is More Than Jingle, Jingle

christmas jingle bellsI have been trying lately to remember my first Christmas. I know my memory isn't perfect, but I thought maybe I could bring up some old memories of my first Christmas.

Unfortunately, I couldn't think of a thing about that first Christmas of mine. Of course, it might be that I was only five months old at the time. Still, I tried to remember some of those old Christmases in the past.

Down through the years, I have celebrated more Christmases than I want to let on. It's not that I'm old; I just haven't died yet.

Read more

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

One-Liner #1530

nativityThe first Christmas was pretty simple ... it's okay if yours is too.

  • Christmas One-liners

Streetcret Ingredient

snow roadThe weatherman describes this as unseasonable weather.

Of course its unseasoned -- that's why the city maintenance crew put salt on it.

  • Clean Puns
  • Driving Jokes
  • Weather Puns
  • Outdoors Puns
  • Winter Jokes

X-Files Christmas

santa christmas eve57 Elm Street Bethlehem, Pa.
11:51 p.m., December 24th.

"We're too late!  It's already been here."

"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."

"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care."

"You really think someone's been here?"

"Someone, or something."

  • Gingerbread Jokes
  • Christmas Jokes
  • Christmas Humor
  • Television Jokes

Read more: X-Files Christmas

A Politically Correct, Legally Safe, ACLU Holiday Greeting

ornamentsPlease accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

  • Pearly Gates Jokes
  • Christmas Jokes
  • Christmas Humor
  • Politically Correct Jokes

Read more: A Politically Correct, Legally Safe, ACLU Holiday Greeting

  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4603 - December 10, 2020
  2. One-Liner #1529
  3. Grammar Pants
  4. London, England Christmas

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4691
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4691

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1995

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4691

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2049

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

Page 470 of 2990

  • 465
  • 466
  • 467
  • 468
  • 469
  • 470
  • 471
  • 472
  • 473
  • 474