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Entertainment

Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

cat on roofI will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

  • New Years Jokes
  • Cat Jokes
  • Pet Jokes

Read more: Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions

Police Harassment

police campbell river rcmpThe Campbell River, British Columbia, Royal Canadian Mounted Police station received this question from a resident through the feedback section of the Campbell River crime page:

“I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?”

In response, a sergeant posted this reply:

  • Pearly Gates Jokes
  • Police Jokes

Read more: Police Harassment

The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4609 - December 31, 2020

Click here to view this edition online!  

The Cybersalt Digest


Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday and New Year's Eve!

Chicken Christmas Tree Topper

I have lots of thoughts and feelings as we say goodbye to 2020 and head into 2021. I had plans to write some of them down with great flourish and inspiring conclusion, but you know what? I'm pretty tired of thinking, and coping, and positing what the current times mean for now and tomorrow. They say that still waters run deep, but it is equally true that deep waters sometimes sit still - behind a dam. And, just as there are times for dams to treasure up water, there are times for hearts to treasure up mystery.

We live in a world where many cannot, or refuse to, tolerate mystery. Instead, they conjure the imaginary to pretend they have explained the unfathomable, while mocking those who continue to believe in the goodness of the One for whom even the darkness is light.  This dichotomy of reaction is nothing new. In the midst of his great suffering, Job's wife (herself struggling with the same incredible losses that he was experiencing) suggested that he, "Curse God and Die." Accepting, if not embracing, the mystery of the time Job replied, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?"

Did you know that the steps leading to the temple in Jerusalem are irregular on purpose? Land of the Bible [dot] com explains, "The stairs are irregular, with both original and replaced stones, which forced the faithful to pay attention as they ascended the alternating wide and narrow steps. It also prevented a hurried approach to the Temple, which would be tempting with the thousands of people here." 

I think we can all agree 2020 was an irregular step that slowed us all down. I rushed into 2020 sure that it was going to be great and that in the next 12 months I was going to "kill it!"

Lesson learned!

I'm not rushing into 2021, but I am stepping into it and doing so with hope because I'm a follower of Jesus and I know that not only is He with me in this massive reservoir of life's mystery, but that also some day the dam will break and what He was doing all along will be clear. And then I'll really be OK.

From depths of my heart I pray that you will step into the new year the same way and I truly hope and wish that 2021 is an incredibly healthy and prosperous year - in every way - for you and those around you.

~ Pastor Tim



Your Cat's New Year's Resolutions

My human will never let me eat their pet hamster, and I am at peace with that.

cat on roofI will not slurp fish food from the surface of the aquarium

I will not eat large numbers of assorted bugs, then come home and throw them up so the humans can see that I'm getting plenty of roughage.

I will not lean way over to drink out of the tub, fall in, and then pelt right for the box of clumping cat litter. (It took FOREVER to get the stuff out of my fur.)

I will not use the bathtub to store live mice for late-night snacks.

We will not play "Herd of Thundering Wildebeests Stampeding Across the Plains of the Serengeti" over any humans' bed while they're trying to sleep.

I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside. If I forget this and bonk my head on the window and fall behind the couch in my attempt, I will not get up and do the same thing again.

I will not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.

I will not stick my paw into any container to see if there is something in it. If I do, I will not hiss and scratch when my human has to shave me to get the rubber cement out of my fur.

If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.

I will not puff my entire body to twice its size for no reason after my human has watched a horror movie.

When it rains, it will be raining on all sides of the house.

It is not necessary to check every door.

I will not play "dead cat on the stairs" while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, or else one of these days, it will really come true.

When the humans play darts, I will not leap into the air and attempt to catch them.

I will not swat my human's head repeatedly when they are on the family room floor trying to do sit ups.

When my human is typing at the computer, their forearms are *not* a hammock.

Computer and TV screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.

I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at NOTHING after my human has watched The Walking Dead.

I will not drag dirty socks onto the bed at night and then yell at the top of my lungs so that my humans can admire my "kill."

I will not perch on my human's chest in the middle of the night and stare until they wake up.

I will not walk on the key board when my human is writing important adagfsg gdjag ;ln.



One-Liner #1535

girl eyesIf you're such a good cook, why do we have to pray before every meal?



"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

Be A Billionaire!


Snail Feelings

snailA snail was involved in an accident that resulted in his shell being torn completely off.

Hearing about the accident, one of his friends rushed over (as much as a snail can rush) to his friend's house.

"I heard about your accident!" he exclaimed, and then asked, "How are you feeling?"

The recovering snail answered, "Sluggish."



Hope

phone number buttonsThe coach's wife yells to her husband, "It's Sports Illustrated on the phone."

The coach falls all over himself racing to the phone and says, "Hello?"

Then he hears, "For just $20 a year..."


Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.


The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.

Snail Feelings

snailA snail was involved in an accident that resulted in his shell being torn completely off.

Hearing about the accident, one of his friends rushed over (as much as a snail can rush) to his friend's house.

"I heard about your accident!" he exclaimed, and then asked, "How are you feeling?"

The recovering snail answered, "Sluggish."

  • Clean Puns
  • Snail Puns
  • Snail Jokes

One-Liner #1535

girl eyesIf you're such a good cook, why do we have to pray before every meal?

  • One-liners
  • Cooking One-liners
  • Prayer Jokes
  • Family One-liners
  • Logic One-liners
  1. The Cybersalt Digest - Issue #4608 - December 27, 2020
  2. One-Liner #1534
  3. Edge-Wise Words
  4. Winter House

Subcategories

Clean Jokes Article Count:  3626

Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you?  Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4691
 

  

Christmas Jokes Article Count:  77

a picture of christmas ballsWe think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.

If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count:  3

It's your turn to be funny.  Submit your funny caption today.

Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count:  16

Are you looking for funny elephant pictures?  You've come to the right place!

Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count:  1572

Games Article Count:  15

Here are the games we have on the site so far.  There aren't many but they're loads of fun.

Funny Pictures Article Count:  679

Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow.  We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often.  Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.

Funny Car Pictures Article Count:  169

Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.

Funny Cat Pictures Article Count:  231

catmelonhead150x127.jpgOver the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.

And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.

  

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4691

 

 

 

Funny Dog Pictures Article Count:  149

dog_maggie.jpgSome say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.

It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

Funny Horse Pictures Article Count:  24

Here's our funny horse pictures collection.

Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count:  53

christmas cakeWe think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.

We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.

Merry Christmas!

Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count:  544

Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes.  Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.

FunBlog Article Count:  533

When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here.  If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!

Cartoons Article Count:  3119

These are some of our favorite cartoons.

Backpew Article Count:  2944

Clean Puns Article Count:  1995

Our collection of puns.

 

ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
ss mothers day

An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
ss tire ski jump

Tire Ski Jump

Jun 29, 2015 Hits: 4691

 

Funny Signs Article Count:  167

Our collection of funny signs.

One-liners Article Count:  2049

A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!

Chicken Humor Article Count:  1

Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart! 

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