57 Elm Street Bethlehem, Pa.
11:51 p.m., December 24th.
"We're too late! It's already been here."
"Mulder, I hope you know what you're doing."
"Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed into a shrine; halls decked with boughs of holly; stockings hung by the chimney, with care."
"You really think someone's been here?"
"Someone, or something."
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.
Read more: A Politically Correct, Legally Safe, ACLU Holiday Greeting
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Last week I invited you to share other possible life challenges of being a hermaphroditic snail (to catch up on this saga you will have to read some previous Cybersalt News www.cybersalt.org/news/cybersalt-news) and two of you came out of your shells and sent something.
Stephen C. suggested, "Snails yell at themselves for looking at the snail next door."
David K. (sorry, David, use the initial of your last name really does not work, does it?) asked "Do snails argue with themselves about whether the inside of the shell needs redecorating or can it wait until next year?"
There you have it: this will probably be the end of my talking about snails. I don't want go too far and mollusk your senses!
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Here we have the London, England version of the poem written by Aussie born Londoner Kim Van Wyck and forwarded to me by Terry Blakenship.
Twas the night before Christmas,
In England, you know,
the planned tube strike went ahead,
the streets full of snow.
Asleep in their terrace house,
were Charles and Jane,
Dreaming of Christmas dinner
And the weight they would gain.
Not stockings but polished shoes,
At the foot of their beds,
For this was Old Blighty,
What more need be said?
When all of a sudden,
From out the still night,
There came such a ruckus,
It gave Charles such a fright!
And he saw 'cross the Thames,
Like the shot from a gun,
A loaded up red double-decker bus,
Come on at a run.
The driver was shouting,
as he drove passed Big Ben,
"Tally Ho, 'Allo Guvna,
What's all this then?"
The driver, in a tux,
And a cummerbund bright red,
Had a matching top hat,
On the top of his head.
As he stepped from the bus,
He was really a sight,
Big fat and round,
His beard curly and white.
He burst into the house,
And the children awoke,
They were both so astonished,
That neither one spoke.
He filled up their polished shoes
With presents galore,
And neither could think
Of a single thing more.
Charles speaking, indirectly,
The way Brits do that's so silly,
Said "Rather sir, I must say, you do look remarkably similar to this chappie reported to be going around the place on nights such as these handing out presents willy nilly."
"Well, maybe I am he"
Said the fellow with a wink
And he smiled as he gave
His mysterious wink
Then he left in his bus,
pausing to say,
An old English rhyme,
passed down through his day:
"Christmas is coming, the geese are getting fat.
Please put a penny in the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny, a ha'penny will do.
If you haven't got a ha'penny, then God bless you."
Translation:
Old Blighty - London
Guvna - Governor (usually a policeman)
The time has come to rise above principles!
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Trousers: An unusual word.
Singular at the top; plural at the bottom.
"Nothing is inferior for being old, and nothing is valuable for being modern."
- John Piper
If Only Life Were More Like a ComputerThink of it. . .
If you messed up a relationship, you could just press "CTRL, ALT, DELETE" and start all over!
To get your daily exercise, you'd simply click on "RUN"!
To get a little break from life, you'd click on "SUSPEND"; then, when you were ready, you'd press "any key" to get back on the merry-go-round.
To scare away moles, you'd turn up the sound blaster.
To add/remove someone in your life, you'd click "SETTINGS" and CONTROL PANEL.
To improve your appearance, you could just adjust the DISPLAY settings.
If life got too noisy, you'd turn off the speakers.
If you lost your car keys, you'd click on "FIND."
"HELP" with the chores would be just a single click away.
You'd never need car insurance you'd use your handy diskette to recover from a crash.
And all you'd need to do to get a pizza would be to click on "SEND NOW"!
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
The time has come to rise above principles!
Trousers: An unusual word.
Singular at the top; plural at the bottom.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
