Entertainment

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Two diners at a very swanky eatery were shocked to see on the menu a dish of "hickory-smoked possum jowls in pancake syrup." They summoned a waiter to complain.

Their waiters looked at the menu. Then he threw it down and yelled to the owner in the kitchen,

"Hey, the printers forgot to translate the menu into French again!"

Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the apple on the tree that got us banished from Paradise.

It was the pair on the ground.

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Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday!

There is often a chicken focus on Chicken Thursday but today I need to address a controversy which has arisen in the Cybersalt world. I'm talking about "beegate."

On Sunday I shared a picture I took of a bee on a sunflower in my backyard. However, Marvin P. emailed me and let me know that that was no bee, but rather it was "a syrphid fly (hover fly) to be exact." Then Andra D. emailed me and also pointed out that this was a fly and that it, like some other insects, was pretending to be a bee (or not a bee - that is the question) in order to deter potential predators.

Now, both Marvin and Andra were very kind in the way they corrected me so please, nobody rush out and burn their houses down. I know some of you are very protective of me but I'm OK.

I blame my parents for this whole mess. Obviously their telling me about the birds and the bees stopped well short of full disclosure. Sure, I got the part about a mommy and daddy having a special hug, but obviously they sent me out into the world on my own, ill-prepared for understanding important non-sexual aspects of it. I'm not bitter, though, because there are still things I haven't told them.

And don't worry, this mistake won't stop me from sharing pictures either. Here's one I took, earlier today, of a duck in a pond near our house.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing! 

~ Pastor Tim

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

I plead contemporary insanity.

"Be a Billionaire!"

and Help

Refugees and

Persecuted Christians

The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ."

"What makes you think you need all these?"

Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

"Hate has never given any good advice."

- Ursula von der Leyen

My daughter spent the night over at my mom's house one weekend. She is 4 and full of mischief.

My mom told her, "You must behave if you want to stay again overnight.”

My daughter looked at her and said, "Yes your Majesty Princess Gramma of Coolness!"

Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.

Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . . 

To say the least, and I usually do, this summer has been quite a journey for the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and myself. I can't remember a summer equal to the one we just went through. The fact that we got through it is amazing.

We have been staying at home more often than usual, but I'm not complaining. What better night than the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and me sharing whatever we are doing?

One night this past week, I turned off the TV; we were getting ready to go to bed when my wife said, "What is that aggravating noise?"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.