1. Leave the photocopier set to "reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies."
2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Sing along at the opera.
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
"Hundreds of kids are shipped off to Mime Boarding School every year, never to be heard from again."
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Click here to view this edition online!
Sunday greetings, everyone.
I mentioned last weekend I was in Port Angeles, Washington, USA. The idea for that trip began when a client of mine from the UK told me he was travelling to Port Townsend, WA for a memorial service. It was nice to meet him.
For the rest of my time "over there" I stayed with my Good friend, Juan Ruiz, who also lives near Port Angeles. Some of the time we spent together involved Juan and I decluttering some of the things he had accumulated over 20 years in his tech business. During one of our sessions I disabled over 100 hard drives, to make the data on them unreadable, while he pulled apart some servers and other equipment.
That decluttering was a good warmup for doing the same thing for my business. While I almost have victory over clutter at my desk, the same cannot be said for my shop. In recent years I have really been noticing the energy drain that comes from clutter which slowly enables the things I own to begin to own me. But I am happy to say that in the last two days I have been making great progress. My shop is becoming emptier and the back of my pickup truck fuller in anticipation of a trip to the dump. I can even walk around in front of my work bench now and I am excited about finishing the job!
If you have a space in your home or workplace that has been messing with your peace of mind, why not take an hour and do a bit of tidying and throwing out? It might inspire you to do even more!
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
1. You're asleep but others worry that you're dead.
2. Your back goes out more than you do.
3. You no longer laugh at Preparation H commercials.
4. The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.
5. The pharmacy gives you a volume discount.
6. You are proud of your lawnmower.
7. 8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."
8. People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"
9. Your high-school diploma is the color of buttermilk.
10. Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu.
11. Nobody ever tells you to slow down.
12. You make everyone be quiet during weather bulletins.
13. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
14. You have to get a fire permit to light your birthday candles.
15. Someone breaks wind and you don't laugh.
16. You're always asked to say the blessing.
17. When you talk about "good grass", you're referring to someone's lawn.
18. Soaking your feet in Epsom Salts borders on an erotic experience.
19. Your ears are hairier than your head.
20. You've seen Halley's Comet...twice.
21. Your idea of the perfect nightcap is Metamucil.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
“I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.”
"Whatever else it is, the kingdom of God is decidedly NOT a call to violent revolution."
- Philip Yancy, The Jesus I Never Knew
A moving van pulled up in front of the only vacant house in the neighborhood and started unloading.
Curtains twitched up and down the street as ladies peeked out to watch the process.
After about an hour, one of the moving men unloaded a great big piece of white cardboard.
He solemnly held it up for all to see:
"That's all, Ladies."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
“I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but he turned out to be an optical Aleutian.”
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
