Entertainment

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, my Uncle Joe was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.

Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Uncle Joe's wages to pay for the repairs.

"How much will it cost?" asked my uncle.

"About $4,500," said the owner.

"What a relief!" exclaimed Uncle Joe. "I've finally got job security!"

Think of a letter between A and W.  Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

Keep going!

Don't stop.....

Think of an animal that begins with that letter.  Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.

Keep goin' Think of a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in that animal.  Say it out loud as you scroll down.

Almost there...

Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.

Take the hand you counted with, smack yourself in the head, get back to work, and quit playing stupid email games.

When Ruthie's grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, "Oh no, oh no, now I can't be a doctor when I grow up."

Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn't. Finally she asked, "Why can't you be a doctor?"

Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, "Because now I will have to be a pirate!"

You have all seen those little hand painted signs hung in so many kitchens.  Many are heartwarming and homey, but many are simply hilarious.  Here is a collection of the funnier ones:

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

Housework done properly can kill you.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.

The only reason I have a kitchen is because it came with the house when I bought it.

There are only three kinds of food - Frozen, Canned, & Take-out!