Entertainment

Details

Add Some Fun To Life

  • Put your garbage can on your desk and label it 'IN'.
  • Page yourself over the intercom.  (Don't disguise your voice.)
  • Send e-mail messages that advertise free pizza, doughnuts, etc., in the breakroom.  When people complain that there was nothing there, lean, back, rub your stomach, and say, "You've got to be faster than that."
  • While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive.
  • While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
  • Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
  • Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
  • Determine how many cups of coffee is 'too many'.
  • Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
  • Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.  Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
  • When driving colleagues around, insist on keeping your car's windshield wipers running during all weather conditions to keep 'em tuned up.
  • Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."
  • Practice making fax and modem noises.
  • Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire working area.  Insist to others that you like it that way.
  • Dont use any punctuation As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
  • At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
  • Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go'.
  • Honk and wave at strangers.
  • TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
  • type only in lowercase.
  • Go around saying "What?_ Never mind._ It's gone now."
  • Sing along at the opera.
  • Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

Details

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your eyesight."

Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30 at St. Anselm's Memorial Chapel.

Details

A man went into a shoe repair store in his hometown that he had not been in for almost twenty years.  He found everything just the way he remembered it.  He went up to the counter and asked the man about a pair of shoes that he had left there for heel repair almost 20 years ago.

"One minute.  I'll check." replied the man A few minutes later, the repair man came back.

"Well..." asked the man "They'll be ready Tuesday."

Details

A young private sought permission from his Commanding Officer to leave camp the following weekend. "You see," he explained, "my wife is expecting."

"Oh..." said the Officer, "I understand. Go ahead and tell your wife that I wish her luck."

The following week the same soldier was back again with the same explanation: "My wife's expecting."

The Officer looked surprised. "Still expecting?" he said, "Well, well, my boy, you must be pretty bothered. Of course you can have the weekend off.

"When the same soldier appeared again the third week, however, the Officer lost his temper. "Don't tell me your wife is still expecting!" he bellowed.

"Yes sir!" said the soldier resolutely, "She`s still expecting." "What on earth is she expecting?" cried the Officer.

"Me." said the soldier simply.

Details
I'M NOT OLD...JUST MATURE

Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent.
From my purchase this chap took off ten percent.
I asked for the cause of a lesser amount;
And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount."

I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries;
And there, once again, got quite a surprise.
The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me.
He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free."

Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature;
But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure.
The newspaper print gets smaller each day,
And people speak softer---can't hear what they say.

My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.),
and my glasses identify people I meet.
Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure.
You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature.

The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun.
You should see all the damage that chlorine has done.
Washing my hair has turned it all white,
But don't call it gray...saying "blond" is just right.

My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed.
Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!"
My car has no scratches...not even a dent.
Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent."

My friends all get older...much faster than me.
They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see.
I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure,
But don't call me old...just call me mature.

The steps in the houses they're building today
Are so high that they take...your breath all away;
And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago.
That should explain why my walking is slow.

But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new,
And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo.
I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure,
I'm not really old...I'm only mature.

~Author Unknown
  1. 8-Year-Old Asks
  2. New Windows Error Messages
  3. Resurrection Update
  4. Name The Twins

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The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
 

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If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!

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July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

 

 

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It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.

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ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

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