Entertainment

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white and blue Netherlands flag to an American.

"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."

The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars too!"

1.  American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2.  Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3.  You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4.  You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed an emotional bond towards Abe Lincoln.

5.  Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

6.  You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

7.  Your rob Peter...and then rob Paul.

8.  You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

9.  Your bologna has no first name.

10.  You give blood everyday...just for the orange juice.

11.  Sally Struthers sends you food.

12.  McDonalds supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

An area pastor tells of his first Sunday in the new parish and presenting the children's message. Seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called of God to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.

And then he said, "You see each one of you is a little pane." And then pointing to each child, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..."

It took a few moments before he realize why everyone was laughing so hard.

You Know It's Hot Outside When...

**you ask your boss for extra work so you can be in the air conditioning as much as possible

** you've been getting hot flashes, and you're a man

** the swans in the park come in "original recipe" and "extra tasty crispy"

** the strawberries are ripe, and the cab drivers are even riper

** your pool water starts to boil in the sun

** the hot-dogs sold outside Yankee Stadium are actually hot

** pigs complain about sweating like fat humans

** a scalding hot shower still cools you down

** people walking down the sidewalk spontaneously burst into flames

** a $20 surcharge is added to your bill when you eat at air-conditioned restaurants

** the politicians take their hands out of your pockets to fan themselves

** you need a spatula to remove your clothing

** you wish you had gotten the cloth seats instead of leather

** you are sweating in both directions -- up and down!

** you are sitting inside reading these jokes

** your brother's braces make blisters on his lips