Entertainment

Details

A lawyer was reading out the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in the will:

"To you, my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave her the house and $2 million."

The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave her the yacht, the business and $1 million."

The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and thought that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong.  Hi Dan!"

Details

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer.  "...or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, I just wanted to say...."

"And I said KEEP QUIET!  Now you're going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding.  He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell.  "I'm the groom!"

Details

Some memorable quotes from Bob Hope:

ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only downhill".

ON TURNING 80 "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."

ON TURNING 90 "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."

ON TURNING 100 ", I do not feel old. In fact, I do not feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING "I ruined my hands in the ring ...the referee kept stepping on them."

ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR "Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."

ON GOLF "Golf is my profession Show business is just to pay the green fees."

ON PRESIDENTS "I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."

ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER "When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."

ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL "I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."

ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY, "Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."

ON HIS SIX BROTHERS, "That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES, "I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me."

Details
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye dog one day. When they come to a busy intersection the dog ignores the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street and leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blaring as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.

When the blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket and offers it to the dog. A passerby, having observed the near fatal incident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed!"

The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his behind."

Details

I was having trouble with the idea of turning 30 and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband.

"What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?"

  1. Actual Church Signs
  2. Testimony Night
  3. Priest's Uniform
  4. Military Chat

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The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
 

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July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
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ss secret

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July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

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