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Nights in England are coal black, making parachute jumps very difficult. We attach small lights called chemlites to make our jumpsuits visible to the rest of the team.

Late one night, lost after a practice jump, we knocked at the door of a small cottage. When a woman answered, she was greeted by the sight of five men festooned in glowing chemlites.

"Excuse me," I said, "Can you tell us where we are?"

In a thick English accent, the woman paused before answering and then replied, "Earth."

1.  I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2.  I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3.  I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4.  I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.

5.  I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6.  I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.

7.  If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

8.  I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.

9.  I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.

10.  I will never put off tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

A fellow was asked if there were any good doctors is his home town. "Good doctors!" he exclaimed. "We have the best doctors in the world. Dr. James Jones is one good doctor; he's great; he saved my life."

"You don't say! How was that?"

"I was very sick and called Dr. Smith. He gave me some medicine and I got very, very ill. I then called Dr. Peters. He gave me more medicine. I got worse - I thought I was going to die."

"Then I called Dr. Jones. He had no time to come. He saved my life."

The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from one generation to the next, says that when you discover you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

However, in modern business, because of the heavy investment factors to be taken into consideration, often other strategies have to be tried with dead horses, including the following:

1.  Buying a stronger whip.
2.  Changing riders.
3.  Threatening the horse with termination.
4.  Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5.  Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
6.  Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7.  Appointing an intervention team to reanimate the dead horse.
8.  Creating a training session to increase the riders load share.
9.  Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.
10.  Change the form so that it reads: "This horse is not dead."
11.  Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
12.  Harness several dead horses together for increased speed.
13.  Donate the dead horse to a recognized charity, thereby deducting its full original cost.
14.  Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
15.  Do a time management study to see if the lighter riders would improve productivity.
16.  Purchase an after-market product to make dead horses run faster.
17.  Declare that a dead horse has lower overhead and therefore performs better.
18.  Form a quality focus group to find profitable uses for dead horses.
19.  Rewrite the expected performance requirements for horses.
20.  Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.