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FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica.
Excellent Condition.
$1200 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything .....?

Proud and pleased as she could be, the new, young bride, Mrs. Stanford Strothers, strode briskly up to the teller's cage at the bank to cash her husband's pay check for the first time.

When the teller told her the check would have to be endorsed, the bride grabbed the pen and unhesitatingly wrote on the back, "I heartily recommend my husband, Stanford Strothers."

During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room. Unshaven and with tousled hair, I showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student. In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats.

The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance."

Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the ER to suture a minor laceration.

I was stitching away -- wearing a tuxedo -- when I encountered that same medical resident. He looked at me, then said to his student, "Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn't he?"

"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."
- Unknown

"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
- Gene Hill

"Outside of a dog, a book is probably man's best friend; inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
- Groucho Marx

"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
- Aldous Huxley

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."
- Robert Benchley

"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in?  I think that's how dogs spend their lives."
- Sue Murphy

"I loathe people who keep dogs.  They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves."
- August Strindberg

"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can. That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
- Joe Weinstein

"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful."
- Ann Landers

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
- Robert A.  Heinlein

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
- Ben Williams

"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
- Edward Abbey

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
- Unknown

"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his tail."
- Unknown