Entertainment

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking."

Gross pay: $1222.02

Income Tax Outgo Tax State Tax Interstate Tax
244.40 45.21 61.10 5.89

County Tax City Tax Rural Tax Back Tax
6.11 12.22 4.44 1.11

Front Tax Side Tax Up Tax Down Tax
1.16 1.61 2.22 1.11

Tic-Tacs Thumbtacks Carpet Tacks Stadium Tax
1.98 3.93 0.98 0.69

Flat Tax Surtax Ma'am Tax Parking Fee
8.32 3.46 2.60 5.00

No Pkg Fee F.I.C.A. T.G.I.F. Life Ins.
10.00 81.88 9.95 5.85

Health Ins. Disability Ability Liability Ins.
16.23 2.50 0.25 3.41

Dental Ins. Mental Ins. Reassurance Coffee
4.50 4.33 0.11 6.85

Coffee Cups Calendar Floor Rental Chair Rental
66.51 3.06 16.85 .32

Desk Rental Union Dues Union Don'ts Cash Advances
4.32 5.85 3.77 0.69

Cash Retreats Overtime Undertime Eastern Time
121.35 1.26 54.83 9.00

Central Time Mntn Time Pacific Time GMT
8.00 7.00 6.00 24.00
Bath Time Time Out Oxygen Water
4.2 44.44 12.21 10.02

Electricity Heat Air Misc
38.23 51.42 46.83 144.38

Take Home Pay: $0000.02
(This is where the expression "just my 2 cents" came from?)

The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods. Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap.

All the while, he'd noticed that the club professional had been watching.

"What club should I use now?" he asked the pro.

"I don't know," the pro replied. "What game are you playing?"

Deep in the backwoods, the goober's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.  Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.  "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down...I think there's another one coming,"

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl.  "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern...  It seems there's yet another one in there!" cried the doctor.

The goober scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"