Entertainment

One of the world's most famous merchant captains died, having long been admired by his crew and fellow officers.

They remained puzzled, however, over a strange ritual he performed daily. While at sea he would lock himself in his cabin and open a small safe, take out an envelope with a note inside and read it. After locking the paper back in the safe, he would return to his duties.

For years this went on, and his crew became very curious.  Was it a treasure map?  Was it a letter from a long lost love?  Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.

After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew back to the ship and into the captain's quarters.  He opened the safe, got the envelope and read the words aloud to an astonished crew:

'Port: Left, Starboard: Right.'

As an instructor in driver education at Unionville-Sebewaing Area High School in Michigan, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel.

One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes.  When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others.  Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car?"

My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted an epidural for pain management during childbirth.

Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural administered.

Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot when I arrive!"

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border.  Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years.  The now widowed woman, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.  One cold day in February, her son came into her room holding a letter.

"I just got some news, Mom," he said.  "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota.  They've decided that our land is really part of the United States.  We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement.  What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said.  "Sign it!  Call them right now and tell them we accept!  I don't think I could stand another one of these Canadian winters!"