The small girl had recently received a new watch and some perfume, which she was very excited about. Their family asked the pastor over for dinner. The girl wanted so badly to tell the pastor about her new gifts, but her mother insisted she wait until after dinner and not interrupt at meal time.
Not able to contain her excitement, and not wanting to disobey, the little girl leaned over to the pastor during dinner and whispered, "If you hear a little noise and smell something, it's me!"
"Hello is this Rabbi Schwartz?"
"It is"
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"
"I can."
"Do you know a Sam Cohen?"
"I do."
"Is he a member of your congregation?"
"He is."
"Did he donate $10,000?"
"He will."
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry . . . we can fly just fine on two engines."
An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry... we still have one engine left."
A goober turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
- Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
- Digital speedometer on helm console stuck at "88".
- Shields fail to work on alternate Fridays.
- Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of warp coil now help up by phone book.
- Computer fails to process any instruction beginning with "w".
- Booster cables become permanent fixtures in transporter room.
- Captain's chair must be propped up against screen to keep image from flickering.
- Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through squeaky part of floor in 10-forward.
- Main sensor array unable to pick up anything except CBS.
- Lower part of bridge falls even lower and ramps along either side become too steep for crew to climb.
- Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people on board.
- Holodeck becomes caught in an infinite loop: ship is overcome by ten thousand care bears.
- Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni and cheese.
...they don't sell tickets, they sell chances.
...all the insurance machines in the terminal are sold out.
...before the flight, the passengers get together and elect a pilot.
...if you kiss the wing for luck before boarding, it kisses you back.
...you cannot board the plane unless you have the exact change.
...before you took off, the stewardess tells you to fasten your Velcro.
...the Captain asks all the passengers to chip in a little for gas.
...when they pull the steps away, the plane starts rocking.
...the Captain yells at the ground crew to get the cows off the runway.
...you ask the Captain how often their planes crash and he sez, "Just once."
...no movie. Don't need one. Your life keeps flashing before your eyes
...you see a man with a gun, but he's demanding to be let off the plane.
...all the planes have both a bathroom and a chapel
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
