Entertainment

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation.  One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems?  Listen to my situation, A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married.  "Later my father married my stepdaughter.  That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.  Also, my wife became mother
-in-law of her father-in-law.  Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son.  This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's grand-son.  That made me the grand-father of my half-brother.  "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son.  Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother.  "This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife, I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm My own grandfather!  And you think you have family problems!"

Someone brought a visitor and the new fellow sat fascinated as the funnymen shouted out numbers--"56!" "923!" "307!" Each time a number was called, the others would laugh and laugh.

Finally he asked his host, "What are the numbers for?" The other man explained, "Oh, we've been coming to these conventions for so long, everyone knows all the jokes.  We just categorize them by number and then save time by using the number alone."

ENDING #1: The visitor thought this was an interesting idea, and that he would try it himself.  So the next time there was a pause, he stood up and called out, "468!" The others roared with laughter.  He waited, then called out, "22!" and again everyone roared.  Then he called out, "829!" and there was a dead silence--all except for one guy in the fourth row, who laughed so hard that he fell off his chair and rolled on the floor, seemingly unable to stop.

The visitor poked his host and whispered, "How come he's laughing and the others aren't?"

The host whispered back, "Oh, that's because he never heard that one before."

ENDING #2: The visitor thought this was an interesting idea...so he stood up and called out, "468!" and no one laughed--there was a dead silence.
Puzzled, he turned to his host.  The other man looked away, sniffed, and said condescendingly, "Some people just don't know how to tell a joke."

After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning."

The father commented, "The sermon was too long."

Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar."

A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train which leaves at 6:00 PM but he has forgotten his watch.  So he looks for someone to ask the time.
He spots this guy walking past carrying 2 suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time.

The guy replies "Sure, which country?"

The fella asks "How many countries have you got?", to which the reply is "All the countries in the world!"

"Wow!  That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."

"That's nothing.  This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!"

"Boy, that's incredible.  I wish I had a watch like that one .  .  .  You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?"

"Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours."

The watchless traveller can hardly whip out his check book fast enough, and hands over a check for $900.

The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him.  "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch" and then, handing the 2 suitcases over as well he says, "and here are the batteries."