Entertainment

** See photo of interviewer's family on desk, point, start laughing uncontrollably.

** Ask if there is only one emergency exit, grin and say; 'Boy!, I bet this floor would be in trouble if someone barricaded that.'

** Inquire on office policy of friends staying over.

** Claim you wouldn't even need a 'sit-in' job if Al Einstein hadn't stolen your secret patent for '2000 Flushes'

** Over-emphasize your ability to use a copier.

** Ask if it's O.K. that you sit on the floor.

** Allow that you would little impact on the overhead budget, because you swiped all the supplies from your other job.

** Although parking was free, insist that they validate something or you're not leaving.

** Mention your resume would have been stronger, but you didn't feel like making anything else up.

** Walk into interviewer's office with a tape measure, measure office from a few angles, put away, declare; 'NOW we can begin.'

** Upon walking into the office for first time ask receptionist to hold all your calls.

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood.  They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end.
At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them.  They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

You know you work for the government when:

The process becomes more important than the product.

You don't see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about.

You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there.

You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them.

You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money.

You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym.

You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms.

You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance.

(1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor

(2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention

You've sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards.

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents.  After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man.

The father invites the fiance to his study for a drink.  "So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man.

"I'm going to be a Bible scholar." he replies.

"A Bible scholar.  Hmmm," the father says.  "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father.  "How will you support children?"

"Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.  The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."