Entertainment

In a restroom at IBM's Watson Center, a supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink.  It had a single word on it:

"THINK"!

The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read:

"THOAP!"

Twas the night of Tax Day, and all thru the house,

Every creature was whirring, even the mouse.

The floppy was placed in the disk drive with care,

In certainty Saint Silicon soon would be there.

The chips were nestled All snug in their sockets,

Their RAM filled with visions of STARWARS and ROCKETS.

And Mamma in her kerchief and I in my cap

Had just settled down for a long ev'ning's rap,

When out of the drives there arose such a racket,

I raised up my fist, right ready to whack it.

Away to the printer I flew like a flash,

And I swore that I'd change my brand of hash!

More rapid than junk FAX these tax forms they came,

And it booped and it beeped and it called 'em by name:

Now Form 1040! Now Form 1065! Now Schedules A and D too!

On! Form 1120! Form 4562!! Form 1098!!! Form 8362!!!!

To the top of the ladder,

To The Top of The Heap!

Just go away, Go Away!

I gotta sleep.

As stray bits which down the cable do fly,

When they meet with the processor, soon go awry,

So up the tab all these taxes they flew,

With a surtax and threats of penalty and interest too!

Now it may be some virus was having its yucks,

But the total was over 87 kilobux.

So she read all the Pubs, and she said, "What the heck!"

Then we signed all the forms, and we wrote 'em a check.

And crossing her fingers and blowing her nose

And giving a nod, from her chair she arose.

She ran to her van, to the key gave a twist,

With a spray of gravel, she shook her fist,

And I heard her exclaim as she roared out of sight--

"I think in Paducah they'll postmark it midnight."

A helicopter was flying around above Washington State yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.  Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a hand-written sign, and held it in the helicopter's window.  The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.  People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position.

The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-messages, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

These are actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays.

- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

- He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.

- Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

- The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.

- The Ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

- It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids with power tools.

- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

- Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH cleanser.

- She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

- Her voice had that tense grating quality, like a generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightening.

- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.