Issue # 3341
Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:
Cybersalt News
I was in the market for a used car today. I just about bought a Toyota but with all the news about them lately I went with a sweet deal I found on a Ford Pinto. I'm so glad the media helped me keep perspective on things.
Some people like their moose in the freezer while others prefer the backyard sprinkler. Today's FunBlog features a video for the latter - though the former may get ideas from it too.
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Speaking of freezers, Rev. James Snyder thinks someone is upset about the cold weather - well actually more about the people who are all up in arms abouthot weather. You can read "Mother Nature's Cold Shoulder Revenge" on the front page at:
https://www.cybersalt.org
Finally, my hat's off (caouse it'snot snowing where I live!) to all who mde the right choice and went with SmileBox to get ready for Valentine's Day. It's not too late to get on the "Phew" bandwagon - SmileBox
Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Windshield Wiper Quit"
Which windshield wiper blade always quits first? That's right -- the driver's side. This happened to me one day while driving home in the middle of a blinding storm.
Unable to see, I pulled over and tried to figure out a quick fix. I found it in a yellow cotton work glove lying on the floor. I wedged the cloth hand under the wiper arm. It did a great job keeping my windshield clear.
Not only that -- you'd be surprised at how many people waved back.
You can rate this joke at:
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Today's CleanPun - Valentine Puns
Please, under no cicumstances think that I do not realize that the following puns are anything other than painful and torturous. But for those who like that flavour of the genre, here you go, lol!
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A hog and kisses!
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?
It was Valenswine's Day!
Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!
What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!
Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?
He gives it a valenshine!
What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?
"Be my valenstein!"
Today's One-liner
"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Pastor Tim pastors at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia http://www.westsidefamily.org
Please vote for the CleanLaugh List and Site at http://www.cybersalt.net/
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Some people like their moose in the freezer while others prefer the backyard sprinkler. Here is video for the latter - though the former may get ideas from it too.
Which windshield wiper blade always quits first? That's right -- the driver's side. This happened to me one day while driving home in the middle of a blinding storm.
Unable to see, I pulled over and tried to figure out a quick fix. I found it in a yellow cotton work glove lying on the floor. I wedged the cloth hand under the wiper arm. It did a great job keeping my windshield clear.
Not only that -- you'd be surprised at how many people waved back.
Issue # 3340
Today's Cybersalt Digest is brought to you by:
Cybersalt News
OK, I need to have a heart to heart talk with the men reading this. Ladies, of course you may read along since this involves you but you might find some of the guy talk a bit rough so be warned.
Men, Sunday is Valentine's day and the special woman in your life wants you to do something special for them. This special thing will make their heart feel warm and fuzzy and gushy (rhymes with "pushy" not "lushy"). This special thing is probably also something that isn't obvious to you because what they really want is for you to think and figure out what would be meaningful to them that you would never in a hundred million years think of unless you try to.
Please get off the ledge; it's not as bad as it sounds. Just avoid things such as appliances that make household work easier, products designed for self-improvement (ie. body shape, breath smell, etc), power tools YOU really want, and any kind of art that involves the hair on your back.
What you have to do is communicate how you value them - honest, my wife just told me so as I read this to her ( including the part I just removed).
I suggest the following for a start. Gather together some pictures of the favorite moments you have shared together and make a beautiful slideshow of them - complete with words describing your feelings about her. Smilebox
But in today's economy and world, there is a shortage of money and a shortage of heartfelt sentiment so why not help cure both with a Smilebox
Speaking of gift giving and back hair, today's new links on the Cybersalt Site will hopefully give you a laugh about both.
Beware of the Dog House:
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Valentine's Back
https://www.cybersalt.org/
Here is today's CleanLaugh - "Sermon Feedback"
They say that a preacher's wife is always his number one assistant.
An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon. He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.
The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well, but," he continued, "I just don't think the sermon ever got off the ground."
The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"
You can rate this joke at:
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Today's CleanQuote
"Scissors are overpowered. Rock is fine." - Paper
Today's Illustration - "Reputation"
Featured Illustration items are well suited for introducing or illuminating a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Lenora, 95-years-old and in excellent health, confided that she was terribly worried:
"Every one of my friends has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where *I* went!"
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt Pastor Tim pastors at Westside Bible Church, Victoria, British Columbia http://www.westsidefamily.org
Please vote for the CleanLaugh List and Site at http://www.cybersalt.net/ Men, whatever the holiday is, beware of the dog house.
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Subcategories
Clean Jokes Article Count: 3626
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
Christmas Jokes Article Count: 77
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count: 3
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count: 16
Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count: 1572
Games Article Count: 15
Here are the games we have on the site so far. There aren't many but they're loads of fun.
Funny Pictures Article Count: 679
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Funny Car Pictures Article Count: 169
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Funny Cat Pictures Article Count: 231
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
Funny Dog Pictures Article Count: 149
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Funny Horse Pictures Article Count: 24
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count: 53
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count: 544
FunBlog Article Count: 533
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Clean Puns Article Count: 2005
Our collection of puns.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
Funny Signs Article Count: 167
Our collection of funny signs.
One-liners Article Count: 2065
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chicken Humor Article Count: 1
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!