Entertainment

A man was walking home alone late one night when he hears a BUMP... BUMP... BUMP... behind him.

Walking faster he looks back, and makes out the image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins to run towards his home, the coffin bouncing quickly behind him ...

faster... faster... BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.

However, the coffin crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping...

clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP... clappity-BUMP...

on the heels of the terrified man.

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man SCREAMS and reaches for something heavy, anything .. his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of Robitussin.

Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as hard as he can at the apparition... and... the coffin stops!

Because everyone know Robitussin stops the coffin!

One of the pups in a breeder's litter of collies had a strange appetite, fostered no doubt, because the dog fancier's kennel was deep in the southern United States.

The odd youngster spurned regular dog food, no meaty tid-bits could tempt him and he hated dog biscuits. just in time to save the little dog's life, the owner found he would eat nothing but watermelons.

He doted on them. His brother pups could not understand this and they teased him unmercifully. He became the butt of their pranks until his tail would droop and he would whimper and shiver in a corner.

His mother, trying to comfort him, called him to her. She said, ... "Come to me, my melon collie baby."

We all know that Columbus believed the world was round when others believed it was flat and that if you traveled far enough you would go over the edge.

We also know that Columbus reached what we now know as America.

While there are still a few who believe Columbus returned to Spain and told Queen Isabella that he discovered a new world, most believe he had told her he had reached India.

Recently documents written by Queen Isabella's official scribe were uncovered revealing what Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage.

His first words were, "I'll bet I'm the first man who ever got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."

At the end of April I began sending out a bunch of baby name puns. Many of you have asked for a complete list of all that were sent out. Here you go. Thanks to those who added their own suggestions. I hope I’ve got them all.

Baby name ideas, based on your occupation.....

PROFESSION: NAME

Undertaker's son: Barry

Beautician's son: Curly

Gardener's daughter: Daisy

Florist's daughter: Rose

Baker's daughter: Cookie

Minister's daughter: Faith

Day-trader's daughter: Hope

Televangelist's daughter: Charity

Geneticist's son: Gene

Espresso vendor's son: Joe

Jeweler's daughter: Opal

Gastrointerologist's daughter: Fanny

Butcher's daughter: Patty

Bartender's daughter: Brandy

Counterfeiter's son: Bill

Hot-dog vendor's son: Frank

Gambler's daughter: Betty

Exercise guru's son: Jim

Cattle thief's son: Russell

Painter's son: Art

Tennis player's son: Ace

Clothing manufacturer's daughter: Polly Esther

Teacher's son: Mark

Singer's twin daughters: Harmony & Melody

Patrolman's son: Chase

Museum curator's son: Art

Book printer's daughter: Paige

Trout fisher's daughter: Brook

Publisher's daughter: Mag

Woodworker's daughter: Peg

Manicurist's son: Hans

Athlete's son: Victor

Plumber's son: John

Accountant's son: Ira

Musician's daughter: Melody

Iron worker's son: Rusty

TV show star's daughter: Emmy

Movie star's son: Oscar

Barber's son: Harry

Housewife's son: Dusty

Steam shovel operator's son: Doug

Hair stylist's son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb

Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary

Sound stage technician's son: Mike

Lawyer's daughter: Sue

Thief's son: Rob

Lawyer's son: Will

Doctor's son: Bill

Meteorologist's daughter: Haley

The Founding Fathers were sitting around a table sometime in 1788, working on the constitution. It had been a long day when Thomas Jefferson said, "Whew! It's getting rather warm in here, isn't it?"

Ben Franklin replied, "Shall I open the window?"

"No, that's alright. I'll just take off my jacket, and roll up my sleeves."

"Hey, that's a good idea. Why don't we include that in the constitution?"

"What? That we're allowed to take our jackets off and roll up our sleeves while at work?"

"Yeah, but that doesn't sound very smooth. How about 'Everyone shall have the right to bare arms?'"

  1. Convent Pun
  2. Cooking for Tom
  3. Damsel Dress
  4. Delivery Pun

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ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
 

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ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

 

 

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ss secret

The Best Kept Secret Ever!

July 06, 2015 Entertainment Pastor Tim
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.

 

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