Entertainment

“Walking To School The First Day Back” by Misty Bus

“The Day the Car Pool Forgot Me” by I. Rhoda Bike

“Can't See The Chalkboard” by Sidney Backrow

“Practical Jokes I Played On The First Day Of School” by Major Crackupp

“What I Dislike About Returning To School” by Mona Lott

“Making It Through the First Week Of School” by Gladys Saturday

“Is Life Over When Summer Ends?” by Midas Welbee

“What I Love About Returning To School” by I.M. Kidding

“Will Jimmy Finally Graduate?” by I. Betty Wont

“What Happens When You Get Caught Skipping School” by U. Will Gettitt

A scientist, unjustly accused and convicted of a major crime, found himself sentenced to hard time in a prison out in the Arizona desert. His cellmate turned out to be another scientist. Determined to escape, the first man tried to convince his colleague to make the attempt with him. He refused. After careful planning the scientist made his escape.

Before long the heat of the desert, the lack of food and water, and complete disorientation in the hostile wilderness almost drove him mad. He was soon forced to return to the prison. He reported his terrible experience to the other scientist who surprised him by saying, "Yes, I know. I tried it too and failed, too, for the same reasons."

The first scientist responded bitter, "For heaven's sake, man, when you knew I was going to make a break for it, why didn't you tell me what it was like out there?"

His cellmate responded with a shrug, "Who publishes negative results?"

One afternoon The Sea rolled into the office of Dr. Alfred Werner, clinical psychologist.

The doctor smiled; he hadn't seen his old friend in ages. "Well, well! Long time no sea! How are you doing?"

"Swell," replied the Sea saltily.

"Then what, Pacifically, is the problem?"

"Well," the Sea swished sadly, "I'm getting tired of just going in and out every day, in and out, in and out, in and--"

"I understand," Dr. Werner interrupted hastily, "but I fear there's nothing to be done about it. For you see, my friend, you're just fit to be tide."

Rabbi Bloom was getting quite a reputation for his sermons. His synagogue was always packed because his congregation didn't want to miss a single one of his words. One Sabbath, one member had to go to another synagogue to attend a nephew's bar mitzvah. Because he didn't want to miss the sermon, he asked one of his non-Jewish friends to go in his place and tape the Rabbi's sermon. In that way, he could listen to it when he got back.

When other members of the congregation saw what was going on, they too decided to ask their non-Jewish friends to go in their places to record the sermon. They could then do other things, such as play golf or go to football.

Within a short time, there were 100 gentiles sitting in the synagogue recording the Rabbi's sermon.

The Rabbi got wise to this. So the following Sabbath, he, too, asked a non-Jewish friend to attend on his behalf. His friend brought a tape recorder and played the Rabbi's pre-recorded sermon to the 100 non-Jews in the congregation who then recorded the sermon on their own machines.

This was believed to be the first incidence in history of "artificial insermonation."