Entertainment

Here's another great pun from Stan Kegel.

I took my two sons, ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud that he was able to read to his brother the sign with all the rules posted for the playground.

"1. Do not jump on the merry-go-round when in motion."

"2. Go down the slide while sitting only."

"3. Only one child on a swing at a time."

There were about twenty rules and the boys promised to obey them all, if I would trust them and let them play without me standing by to watch. They said that they were too old to be watched and their friends would tease them calling them babies if I stayed.

I made them promise to be good and obey the rules, and rejoined my wife preparing our picnic lunch. When it was time to get the children, I decided to watch them at a distance for a while to see how reliable they were in following my instructions.

I found that they obeyed most of the printed instructions. That is, all but one... They would each get on the tall semicircular slide and slide down head-first or backward.

Angrily, I walked to the children and escorted them over to the posted regulations. I asked my seven year old read to them aloud once again - paying special attention to the rules about the slide. Then I asked them what they had to say for themselves.

My five year old answered immediately: "Don't be silly Daddy - they don't use slide rules anymore. (By Stan Kegel)

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go? Wonder no more!!!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola, whose lives parallel each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy.

Faithfully they attended parochial School from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college, and upon graduation, became priests.

Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio Secola was just a wee cut above Timothy Murphy in all respects.

Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was swift to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be one of the two who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, white smoke rose from the chimney and the world waited to see whom they had chosen.

The world, Catholic, Protestant and secular, was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope!

Antonio Secola was beyond surprise. He was devastated, because even with all of Timothy's gifts, Antonio knew he was just a bit better qualified.

With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio Secola asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, "Why Timothy?"

After a long silence, an old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered man and rose to reply.

"We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called POPE SE-COLA!"

I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly vistors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients.

One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?"

Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"