Entertainment

An amateur genealogical researcher discovered that his great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889. The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription:

"Remus Starr; horse thief; sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887; robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives. Convicted and hanged 1889."

In a Family History subsequently written by the researcher, Remus’s picture is cropped so that all that's seen is a head shot. The accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:

"Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

I was having dinner at a nice restaurant the other night. The couple at the next table were smooching from the moment they sat down. Oh how romantic, young love!

But I couldn't figure out what was going on at their table after the food came. Every time the young man would take a bite, he would jump up and give the girl such a big hug that she would squeal loudly! This bizarre behavior continued about 10 times - he took a bite, gave her a big hug, she squealed....very strange. Everyone was looking!

When my waiter came by I mentioned the 'entertainment' and he said "Oh, we have that all the time in here. You see, that man ordered the Seize Her Salad."

(By Rose Katz)

Years ago there was a baker's assistant whose sole job was to pour the dough mixture for making sausage rolls (apparently the royal family loved sausage). Because people were identified by their professions, he was just called Richard the Pourer.

One day Richard ran out of some key ingredients, namely a secret spice he used in the batter. He called his apprentice and sent him to the store to buy more spices. When the apprentice arrived at the store, he found that he had forgotten the name of the ingredient. Hoping that the storekeeper might be able to figure it out, he described it to him saying,

"It's for Richard the Pourer, for batter for wurst."

Everybody is remaking their oldies hits!

- Herman's Hermits - "Mrs. Brown, You've Got A Lovely Walker"

- The Bee Gees - "How Can You Mend A Broken Hip"

- The Temptations - "Papa's Got A Kidney Stone"

- Ringo Starr - "I Get By With A Little Help From Depends"

- Marvin Gaye - "I Heard It Through The Grape Nuts"

- Procol Harem - "A Whiter Shade Of Hair"

- Johnny Nash - "I Can't See Clearly Now"

- Leo Sayer - "You Make Me Feel Like Napping"

- ABBA - "Denture Queen"

- Paul Simon - "Fifty Ways To Lose Your Liver"

- Roberta Flack - "The First Time I Ever Forgot Your Face"

- Commodores - "Once, Twice, Three Times To The Bathroom"

- Bobby Darin - "Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' A Flash"