Entertainment

I was in the band at Ellsworth Air Force Base, South Dakota.

Our group was required to play for all generals who arrived on our base. One morning, when our commanding officer heard on the radio that a General Frost was expected just after noon, he sent us scrambling to the flight line with instruments.

One of the musicians had also heard the radio announcement. He took the C.O. aside for a whispered conference. When they returned, the officer told us the performance was canceled.

There was no arriving general. We had almost played for the weather forecast.

A man is driving down a country road when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people who are out standing in their field."

My brother, a pastor, has done some methodical research and discovered the name of another one of Santa's reindeer - Gerald Lee.

Gerald was bigger than the rest of the reindeer, and not too gifted in the intelligence area.

However, his nose glowed somewhat, and Santa used him to comply with FAA regulations - although the light would never be enough to be used for guidance on a foggy night.

So because Gerald got to be the leader, and given his size and personality, he was a bully amongst the other reindeer. Not only did he lord it over them, but he was the first to start making fun of Rudolph and any other reindeer who could be easily intimidated.

To top it off, Gerald was extremely flatulent and took great pride in displaying his talent particularly while leading the pack on Christmas eve.

So it was no surprise that all of the other reindeer secretly disliked Gerald, but had to respect Santa's decisions to let Gerald be in front.

Being a proud bully and all, there was one thing Gerald didn't like - and that was his first name. Instead, he insisted that he be called by a hybrid name composed of his first initial and his last name. Which explains why, when Santa finally chose Rudolph to lead the sleigh, all of the other reindeer shouted . . .

. . . "Out with Glee."

An intrepid photographer went to a haunted castle determined to get a picture of a ghost which was said to appear only once in a hundred years.

Not wanting to frighten off the ghost, the photographer sat in the dark until midnight when the apparition became visible.

The ghost turned out to be friendly and consented to pose for one snapshot. The happy photographer popped a bulb into his camera and took the picture.

After dashing into his studio, the photographer developed the negative and groaned. It was underexposed and completely blank.

Moral: The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.