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Once upon a time there was a village up in the mountains and in this village lived the Tibet Refugees Isolated from Danger, or TRIDs.

Now, the TRIDs of this village had a problem. There was a giant who lived further up the mountain. Every day at noon, he came down to the village, walked up to a house and knocked on the door. Whoever answered would get kicked.

This went on for many years and finally they asked the Rabbi from a nearby town to talk to the giant. As the Rabbi was going up the mountain the giant appeared, but for some reason the Rabbi wasn't kicked.

The Rabbi asked the giant why he didn't kick him and the giant replied, "Silly Rabbi kicks are for TRIDS!"

Fair Ladies and Noble Gentlemen:

I, RaPUNzel, have a HAIR-raising tale to SHEAR with you written by the Brothers TRIMM.

When I was a young CURL, a jealous queen LOCKed me in a tower.

I was STRANDed and was at my SPLITS END -- truly a damsel in THESE TRESSES!

The queen thought it was a PERMANENT SOLUTION but, day after day, knight after knight would try to climb the tower, which was so tall the FOLLICLE you!

They would climb my BRAID, and if they weren't so handsome, I would give them the BRUSH off.

I wonder if that's where I got my reputation for being such a big TEASE.

One day, a handsome knight named Prince LATHERRINSE tried to rescue me.

He was HEAD & SHOULDERS above the rest.

I said, "COMB and SHAVE me!"

The queen found out about it and cut off my hair.

And let me tell you, Hell hath no fury as a woman SHORNED!

She'll have Hell TOUPEE because I am not someone to TANGLE with.

Prince Latherrinse WISPed me away and we got married and had twins.

But, we didn't live happily ever after because he placed too many CONDITIONERS on our marriage, which were really CRIMPING my STYLE.

So, we PARTED ways and a custody battle ensued.

It came down to SPLITTING HEIRS so he took one twin and I took the other.

So, now I don't date princes anymore because I don't want a LATHER RINSE REPEAT.

And I've gotten back to my ROOTS by changing my hair from BLONDE to brown and this new color is to DYE for.

After all, BRUNETTES have more pun.

Well, that's the LONG AND SHORT of my HAIRY tale.

I bid you all ADO!

(By Tiff Wimberly)

A new young bride calls her mother in tears.

She sobs, "Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him."

"Now, now," her mother comforted, "I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding."

"No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price!"

"Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate!" says her mom. "Those turkey rolls are only a few dollars."

"No, mother it wasn't the price of the turkey, it was the airplane ticket."

"Airplane ticket? What did you need an airplane ticket for?"

"Well mother, when I went to fix it, I looked at the directions on the package and it said - 'Prepare from a frozen state,' so I flew to Alaska."

The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. So he directed that a nearby Air Force base be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited. As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them.

The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself. He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general turns to his aide and says, "Sign him up -- all the paper work done, everything, do it today!" The aide hustles the young man off.

The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need woodchoppers in the Air Force. What else do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me. We don't need woodchoppers; this is the 21st century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "But he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "I HAVE to chop it before he can pile it!"