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A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.

The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!

"What else do you have?" asks the student.

"Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist.

The student asks for these, swallows them, and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?"

The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," and goes back into the storeroom. He brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on the counter.

"I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student.

The pharmacist replies, "Well, you know... math always was a little hard to swallow."

A man had been feeling unwell for about 3 weeks and went to see his doctor.

The doctor told him, "I don't know what you've got but it could be serious so I'm sending you to the Rare Disease Specialist."

The man went to the specialist who told the man, "You have a rare illness that occurs only once every ten years or so. The only cure is made in Australia in a little town called Mercey, about 400 miles from Sydney. You better get there fast; you have only one week to live."

The man took the first flight he could to Sydney, rented a car and drove to Mercey, Australia. When he got there, he found it was a town with a population of one. The man walked up to the one house in the village and an old doctor answered.

"You have to help me!" said the man, "I'm dying of this rare illness and I have only 4 days to live."

The old man invited him in and said, "I must give you my special Koala Bear Tea. It is the only thing that will cure you."

The old man went out to get the supplies. One koala, a few birds, platapus placentas and such. The doctor boiled them together and gave them to the man with bones and feathers and dirt swirling throughout. The young man looked at it disgustingly and asked if it could be strained.

The old doctor looked horrified and said, "Oh No. The Koala Tea of Mercey is not strained."

"Minutus cantorum, minutus balorum, minutus carborata descendum pantorum."

(A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants.)

"Domino vobiscum."

(The pizza guy's here.)

"Sharpei diem."

(Seize the Wrinkled Dog.)

"Motorolus interruptus."

(Hold on, I'm going into a tunnel.)

"Bodicus mutilatimus, unemploymi forevercus."

(Better take the nose ring out before the job interview.)

"Nunc Tutus Exitus Computarus."

(It's Now Safe To Turn Off Your Computer.)

"Tempo Waturim."

(I drove my Ford off a bridge.)

"Litigata Ergo Sum."

(I sue, therefore I am.)

"Et tu, pluribus unum?"

(The government just stabbed me in the back!)

"Cavett Emptor."

(Beware, Dick Cavett could still make a comeback.)

Bert has this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother him, so he suggested his buddy Louie should see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.

For years, Louie refused... told Bert he was crazy.

Last week, Louie finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4" shorter than his right.

A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, Louie was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans.

"So," Bert says, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg."

Louie just looked at Bert and said, "I stand corrected."