Entertainment

Benny worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him.

"Master," the genie began, "I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."

Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49 percent of the total Microsoft stock, which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and lo and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune, and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.

Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded.

Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.

The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Some of these are pretty bad.

What birds spend all their time on their knees?

Birds of prey.

What do you call a very rude bird?

A mockingbird.

Where do birds meet for coffee?

In a nest-cafe.

What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek?

Fowl play.

What language do birds speak?

Pigeon English.

What do you give a sick bird?

Tweetment.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a shark?

A bird that will talk you ear off.

What happened when the owl lost his voice?

He didn't give a hoot.

What do you get if you cross a parrot with a centipede?

A great walkie-talkie.

With all the borscht they consume, I don't understand why Russians aren't the world's greatest rock stars. I mean, everyone knows that the heart of rock and roll is the beet.

On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup.

"Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!"

My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box.

As I opened it up and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered,

"I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."