Entertainment

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there.

"Sit, Fluffy," she says.

Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on another customer's lap, getting water all over him.

"I said sit, now there's a good Fluffy," says the woman, slightly embarrassed.

Fluffy, wet already, squats in the middle of the room and urinates.

The woman, mortally embarrassed, shouts, "Fluffy, will you be good?!"

Fluffy then starts a fight with a Doberman and pursues it out of the office.

As the woman leaves to go after it, she turns to the rest of the flabbergasted customers and says:

"Pardon me, I've just washed my hare, and can't do a thing with it!"

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple of days, but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want her walking him to school everyday. He wanted to be like the "big boys." He protested loudly, so she had an idea of how to handle it.

She asked a neighbor, Mrs. Goodnest, if she would surreptitiously follow her son to school, at a distance behind him that he would not likely notice, but close enough to keep a watch on him.

Mrs. Goodnest said that since she was up early with her toddler anyway, it would be a good way for them to get some exercise as well so she agreed.

The next school day, Mrs. Goodnest and her little girl, Marcy, set out following behind Timmy as he walked to school with another neighbor boy he knew. She did this for the whole week. As the boys walked and chatted, kicking stones and twigs, the little friend of Timmy noticed that this same lady was following them as she seemed to do every day all week.

Finally, he said to Timmy, "Have you noticed that lady following us all week? Do you know her?"

Timmy nonchalantly replied, "Yea, I know who she is."

The little friend said, "Well who is she?"

"That's just Shirley Goodnest" Timmy said.

"Shirley Goodnest? Who on earth is she and why is she following us?"

"Well," Timmy explained, "every night my Mom makes me say the 23rd Psalm with my prayers cuz she worries about me so much.

And in it, the prayer psalm says, "Shirley Goodnest and Marcy shall follow me all the days of my life." So I guess I'll just have to get used to it.

An extremely red-faced man stormed into the tiny shop on the corner of Lingot and Main.

Pushing his way past the assorted browsers, he bore down on the sales counter like a Scud missile.

The lone clerk regarded him with some trepidation.

I want to speak to the manager,'' he demanded.

''I'm sorry Sir, Mr. Mowbray isn't in today. Is there anything I can help you with?'' "You're right there is," he sputtered.

He reached into his pants pocket, extracted a tattered wallet and slammed it down on the counter.

''I bought this piece of garbage here only two months ago and now look at it. It's falling apart. Forty-nine ninety-five it cost me! Forty-nine ninety-five,''he added for more emphasis. "Can you believe that?'' His face was getting redder.

The clerk wasn't sure what to say to him. She only hoped the top of his head stayed put.

She picked up the wallet and examined it.

''Yes, Sir, it certainly isn't in very good shape. And you say you've only had it for two months?"

''That's what I said. Two months and it falls apart. And you know what else?'' ''No,'' she answered cautiously. ''What?'' ''It isn't even leather. You ripped me off. It looks like leather, feels like leather, even smells like it. But I'm a monkey's uncle if it is. And you charge me almost fifty dollars for it."

He was sputtering badly now.

''That's highway robbery and I don't intend to let you get away with it.'' ''Well ... what exactly are you looking for?"

"I want my money back, every cent of it.'' “Do you have your receipt?'' He opened the wallet and produced the slip.

She examined it.

“I’m afraid there's nothing I can do.'' The top of his head seemed to rise above his crimson ears.

”What do you mean?” he bellowed. ''I have my receipt, the goods were defective and I want restitution.

Do you understand?"

''Yes, of course I understand but as I just told you, there's nothing I can do.” She was more confident now.

”What kind of store is this? I buy something in good faith and when it falls apart prematurely you refuse to give me satisfaction. Is that the kind of operation you're running?"

"It's not that simple Sir. We are indeed a reputable firm but in this case, well, ... I'm sorry.'' His sputtering had shifted into high gear and he was showering the clerk with spit.

”Sorry ... sorry? That's all? Perhaps you'd explain just why you insist on treating me like this."

She pointed to the receipt.

"Did you read the fine print?'' He was dumbfounded.

”What fine print?"

''Here, just below the total."

She pointed to it like a teacher in a class of maddeningly slow learners.

''See,'' she said, ”All Sales Are Vinyl.''

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd (alternating between bride's side and groom's side). While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar loudly.

So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR all the way down the aisle.

As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the front. The little boy, however, was getting more and more distressed from all the laughing, and was near tears by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."