Cybersalt News

Oh look, Chicken Thursday.

Don't forget that there are some great games to play on the Cybersalt site at:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/games

By far, the most played game is "Bubble Shooter" at:
www.cybersalt.org/games/bubble-shooter

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

An Honest Golfer

About four or five years ago I was standing in a ticket line at LAX, and a fellow in a line parallel to mine had a golf bag slung over his shoulder. Since the line was long and airline ticketing is a slow process at best, we struck up a conversation.

He brightened when I admired his golf bag, and he proudly stated that he was on the PGA Tour. Then he turned to me and asked the question all golfers ask: "Do you play?"

I shook my head, "I used to, but I quit because I wasn't very good. I shot consistently in the lower seventies."

There was a long, low in-take of breath, then "The lower seventies?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"Consistently?" he queried admiringly.

"Every hole," I confessed.

One-liner #0742

"They told me I was gullible...and I believed them!"

Hauling Opportunity

I wish I had a small truck so I could take advantage of a contract hauling opportunity I saw mentioned the other day.

Seems a water-garden company wants a load of frogs delivered, but they have to be delivered in a special bog-like container that will fit in a pickup truck's bed. They'll pay in food, which is exactly what I like best! For each load delivered, the company will provide one enormous home-baked casserole with a crust of Middle Eastern flat bread. Mmmmmm!

That's right: A pita pie per pickup pack of puddled peepers.

Quote #1195

"When I change the way I look at things, the things I look at change."

Laodicean Hymnal

Leaders of the Laodicean Church in Canada last week announced the publication of a new hymnal. "This is truly a hymnal for the new century," said Presiding Bishop Luke W. Armm.

"This collection of hymns really captures the essence of our tradition," Bishop Armm explained. "At the core of our belief is the motto, 'Moderation in all things,' and that applies to our faith life as well. We just don't like to get carried away." When asked if the new hymnal will help the Laodicean Church attract new members, Bishop Armm replied, "People in today's society get kind of uncomfortable with too much talk about things like commitment and dedication. They'd much rather have a religion that they can turn on or off at will. Our church seeks to meet that need. This hymnal will help with that, I think."

Editor in chief of the new hymnal, Priscilla ("Presh") S. Moment, explained some of the difficulty the committee had in choosing hymns. "Many of the old favourites just won't cut it among Laodiceans," said Moment. "We had to change a lot of the wording to make them fit with our style. We tried to incorporate some new songs into the book, but we had trouble finding Laodiceans interested in writing new music."

The title of the new hymnal, Church Songs, was chosen very carefully, explained Moment. "We didn't want to turn anybody off with threatening words that no one understands any more like 'Worship' or 'Hymn.'" Here
is a partial list of titles included in the new Laodicean hymnal:

A Comfy Swedish Mattress Is Our God
Above Average Is Thy Faithfulness
All Hail the Influence of Jesus' Name!
Amazing Grace, How Interesting the Sound
Be Thou My Hobby
Blest Be the Tie That Doesn't Cramp My Style
Go Tell it on the Speed Bump
He's Quite a Bit to Me
I Lay My Inappropriate Behaviours on Jesus
I Love to Talk about Telling the Story
I Surrender Some
I'm Fairly Certain That My Redeemer Lives
It Is My Secret What God Can Do
Joyful, Joyful, We Kinda Like Thee
Just as I Pretend to Be
Just as I Am, with Lots of Excuses
Lord, Keep Us Loosely Connected to Your Word
My Hope Is Built on Nothing Much
My Faith Looks Around for Thee
O, God, Our Enabler in Ages past
Oh, for a Couple of Tongues to Sing
Oh, How I like Jesus
Onward, Christian Reservists
Pillow of Ages, Fluffed for Me
Praise God from Whom All Affirmations Flow
Self-Esteem to the World! The Lord Is Come
Sit Up, Sit up for Jesus
Spirit of the Living God, Fall Somewhere near Me
Take My Life and Let Me Be
There Is Scattered Cloudiness in My Soul Today
There Shall Be Sprinkles of Blessings
We Are Milling Around in the Light of God
What an Acquaintance We Have in Jesus
When Peace, like a Trickle
When the Saints Go Drifting in
Where He Leads Me, I Will Consider Following