Cybersalt News

Today's new entry in the FunBlog is an amazing video of really neat painting method. Big or small, you'll enjoy "Tall Painting byHolton Rower" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/tall-painting-by-holton-rower

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.

Martha Raye, Stewardess

I once went for a job at an airline. The interviewer asked me why I wanted to be a stewardess, and I told her -- it would be a great chance to meet men.

She looked at me and said, "But you can meet men anywhere."

I said, "Strapped down?"
- Martha Raye

One-liner #0743

"Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?"

New Restaurant Chain

Did you hear about the new restaurant chain opening nationwide? It is a partnership between Kareem Abdul Jabarr, Ryan Coffee, and Sugar Ray Leonard.

They're going to call it: "Coffee, with Kareem and Sugar."

Quote #1196

"Many are called, but few actually return the message."

The Lord's Prayer

"THE LORD'S PRAYER"

"Our Father which art in heaven."
--- Yes?

Don't interrupt me. I'm praying
--- But you called me Called you?

I didn't call you. I'm praying. "Our father which art in heaven."
--- There you did it again.

Did what?
--- Called me.

You said, "Our Father which art in heaven." Here I am. What's on your mind?

But I didn't mean anything by it. I was, you know, just saying my prayers for the day. I always say the Lord's prayer. It makes me feel good, kind of like getting a duty done.
--- All right. Go on.

"Hallowed be thy name."
--- Hold it. What do you mean by that?

By what?
--- By "Hallowed be thy name?"

It means... it means... Good grief, I don't know what it means. How should I know? It's just a part of the prayer. By the way, what does it mean?
--- It means honored, holy, wonderful.

Hey that makes sense. I never thought about what "hallowed" meant before.

"Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."
--- Do you really mean that?

Sure, why not?
--- What are you doing about it?

Doing? Nothing, I guess. I just think it would be kind of neat if you got control of everything down here like you have up there
--- Have I got control of you?

Well, I go to church.
--- That isn't what I asked you. What about your temper? You've really got a problem there, you know. And then there's the way you spend your money - all on yourself. And what about the kinds of books you read and what you watch on TV?

Stop picking on me! I'm just as good as the rest of those people at church.
---Excuse me. I thought you were praying for my will to be done. If that is to happen, it will have to start with the ones who are praying for it. Like you, for example.

Oh, all right. I guess I do have some hang-ups. Now that you mention it, I could probably name some others.
---So could I.

I haven't thought about it very much until now, but I'd really like to cut out some of those things. I would like to, you know, be really free.
--- Good. Now we're getting somewhere. We'll work together, you and me. Some victories can be truly won. I'm proud of you.

Look, Lord, I need to finish this up here. This is taking a lot longer than it usually does.

"Give us this day our daily bread."
--- You could cut out the bread. It would help you lose weight.

Hey, wait a minute! What is this, "Criticize me day?" Here I was doing my religious duty, and all of a sudden you break in and remind me of all my hang-ups.
--- Praying is a dangerous thing. You could wind up changed, you know. That's what I'm trying to get across to you. Keep praying. I'm interested in the next part of your prayer...

(Pause) Well, go on.

I'm scared to.
--- Scared? Of what?

I know what you'll say.
--- Try me and see.

"Forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us."
--- What about Ann?

See? I knew it! I knew you would bring her up! Why Lord, she's told lies about me, spread stories about my family. She never paid back the money she owes me. I've sworn to get even with her?
--- But your prayer? What about your prayer?

I didn't mean it.
--- Well, at least you're honest. But it's not much fun caring that load of bitterness around inside, is it?

No. But, I'll feel better as soon as I get even. Boy, have I got some plans for that neighbor. She'll wish she had never moved into this neighborhood.
--- You won't feel any better. You'll feel worse. Revenge isn't sweet. Think of how unhappy you already are. But, I can change all that.

You can? How?
--- Forgive Ann. Then I'll forgive you. Then the hate and sin will be Ann's problem and not yours. You will have settled your heart.

Oh, you're right. You always are. And, more than I want to get revenge against Ann, I want to be right with you. (Pause)...(Sigh) All right.
I forgive her. Help her to find the right road in life, Lord. She's bound to be awfully miserable now that I think about it. Anybody who goes around doing the things she does to others has to be out of it. Some way, some how, show her the right way.
--- There now! Wonderful! How do you feel?

Hmmm. Well, not bad. Not bad at all. I feel pretty great. You know, I don't think I'll have to go to bed uptight tonight for the first time since I can remember. Maybe I won't be so tired from now on because I'm not getting enough rest.
--- You're not through with your prayers. Go on.

Oh, all right. "And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."
--- Good! Good! I'll do that. Just don't put yourself in a place where you can be tempted.

What do you mean by that?
--- Don't turn on the TV when you know the laundry needs to be done and the house needs to be picked up. Also, about the time you spend with your friends, if you can't influence the conversation to positive things, perhaps you should re-think the value of those friendships. Another thing, your neighbors and friends shouldn't be your standard for "keeping up." And please don't use me as an escape hatch.

I don't understand that last part.
--- Sure you do. You've done it a lot of times. You get caught in a bad situation. You get in trouble and then you come running to me: "Lord, help me out of this mess, and I promise you I'll never do it again." You remember some of those bargains you tried to make with me?

Yes and I'm ashamed. Lord, I really am.
--- Which bargain are you remembering?

Well, there was the night that my husband was gone and the children and I were home alone. The wind was blowing so hard I thought the roof would go any minute and tornado warnings were out.
I remember saying, "Oh God, if you spare us, I'll never skip my devotions again."
--- I protected you, but you didn't keep your promise, did you?

I'm sorry, Lord I really am. Up until now I thought that if I just prayed the Lord's Prayer every day, then I could do what I liked. I didn't expect anything to happen like this.
--- Go ahead and finish your prayer.

"For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen"
--- Do you know what would bring me glory? What would really make me happy?

No, but I'd like to know. I want to please you. I can see what a mess I've made of my life. And I can see how great it would be to really be one of your followers.
--- You just answered the question.

I did?
--- Yes. The thing that would bring me glory is to have people like you truly love me. And I see that happening between us.

Now that some of these old sins are exposed and out of the way, there is no telling what we can do together Lord, let's see what we can make of me, OK?
--- Yes, let's see...

Kinda hits home doesn't it. Don't just say the Lord's prayer - mean it.