Entertainment

THE ORIGINAL VERSION:

If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours;
If it doesn't, it never was yours.

THE PESSIMIST VERSION:

If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours;
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.

THE OPTIMIST VERSION:

If you love somebody,

Trying to date a philosophy professor?

He doesn't even know if you exist or not!

 In Today's Issue

Cybersalt News

Sunday greetings!

Ok, I hope you were sitting down when you saw the Cybersalt Digest in your e-mail inbox again. Just over a month ago I sent out a mailing letting you all know the Cybersalt Digest was going to resume going out and here it is.

One of the main reasons for there being no issues since Last February was because someone used the "report spam" button with their e-mail provider to stop getting the digest - instead of using the unsubscribe link at the end of each mailing. When enough people do that the big companies start blocking the cybersaltlists.org domain and then I have to go to circus school to learn the gymnastics I must go through to get them to realize I'm not a spammer. I never add peoples' e-mail address to any of my newsletters unless they have directly and specifically requested it. This is a very old policy for Cybersalt - so old it bears a young picture of me from 1998 - www.cybersalt.org/policies/anti-spam-policy 

Related to the Digest resuming circulation is the fact that Mrs. Cybersalt (who is reading this over my shoulder and has already overridden two really funny things I was going to say at this point) is learning how to put my material together and send it out.

Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!

Today's CleanLaugh

Car Help Line

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers.  But, imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"

HELPLINE: "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle pointing?"

CUSTOMER: "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"

HELPLINE: "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor, and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself, or pay the vendor to install it for you."

CUSTOMER: "What!? I paid $12,000 for this car! Now you tell me that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes with everything built in!"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Your car stinks!"

HELPLINE: "What's wrong?"

CUSTOMER: "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"

HELPLINE: "What were you doing?"

CUSTOMER: "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed -- and now it won't start!"

HELPLINE: "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product. What do you expect us to do about it?"

CUSTOMER: "I want you to send me one of the latest version that doesn't crash anymore!"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power steering, power brakes, and power door locks."

HELPLINE: "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "How do I work it?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "Do I know how to what?"

HELPLINE: "Do you know how to drive?"

CUSTOMER: "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in my car!"

The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.

General Motors doesn't have a "help line" for people who don't know how to drive, because people don't buy cars like they buy computers.  But, imagine if they did . . .

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing happened!"

HELPLINE: "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn it?"

CUSTOMER: "What's an ignition?"

HELPLINE: "It's a starter motor that draws current from your battery and turns over the engine."

CUSTOMER: "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know all of these technical terms just to use my car?"

HELPLINE: "General Motors Help line, how can I help you?"

CUSTOMER: "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go anywhere!"

HELPLINE: "Is the gas tank empty?"

CUSTOMER: "Huh? How do I know?"