Fisheye lenses make the world go round.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
Entertainment
Just once it'd be nice to hear the word "sir," without it immediately being followed by,"you're making a scene."
A man driving his car down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle blocking the entire way. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a goober leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked.
"I reckon so," replied the goober.
Pulling ahead, the mans car was immediately swallowed by the puddle. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out and up to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the goober, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!"
"Well, shoot!" he relied, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!"
(Wondering what a goober is? Find out at www.cybersalt.org/policies/what-is-a-goober)
Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
For the whole Chicken Thursday explanation check out:
www.cybersalt.org/news/the-story-of-chicken-thursday
For those of you who tend to get in trouble for forgetting Valentine's day, Valentine's day is this Sunday. When you do remember it, please don't remembering it like this guy did:
www.cybersalt.org/funny-pictures/valentines-back
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
Today's CleanLaugh
Deep Trouble
A man driving his car down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle blocking the entire way. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a goober leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked.
"I reckon so," replied the goober.
Pulling ahead, the mans car was immediately swallowed by the puddle. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out and up to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the goober, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!"
"Well, shoot!" he relied, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!"
(Wondering what a goober is? Find out at www.cybersalt.org/policies/what-is-a-goober)
Today's One-liner
One-liner #0988
Just once it'd be nice to hear the word "sir," without it immediately being followed by,"you're making a scene."
Today's Clean Pun
Fish Eyes
Fisheye lenses make the world go round.
Today's Quote
Quote #1437
"We are not called to be defenders of the Truth but to live the Truth, which is Truth's best defense."
~Mabel Boggs Sweet
Today's Illustration
That 'Green' Thing
In the line at the store today, the cashier told an older woman ahead of me that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."
That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back in her day.
In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right. They didn't have the green thing in her day.
Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts.... "wind and solar power" really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day.
Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right, they didn't have the green thing back then.
They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink, instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.
Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But that old lady is right. They didn't have the green thing back in her day.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Cybersalt News
Happy 3rd birthday to our grandson Torre!
Even though the Cybersalt Newsletters have not been going out for some time, that doesn't mean there weren't new pages added to the Cybersalt Site. To catch up on some of those (including a new Jeanne Robertson routine) head on over to the the FunBlog page at:
www.cybersalt.org/entertainment/funblog
Remember too, you can always get notifications about new Cybersalt pages (and other great pages we share) by following Cybersalt on FaceBook:
www.facebook.com/cybersaltsite
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
Today's CleanLaugh
If You Love Something Variations
THE ORIGINAL VERSION:
If you love something,
Set it free...
If it comes back, it's yours;
If it doesn't, it never was yours.
THE PESSIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she ever comes back, she's yours;
If she doesn't, well, as expected, she never was.
THE OPTIMIST VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
Don't worry, she will come back.
THE SUSPICIOUS VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, ask her why.
THE IMPATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't comes back within some time limit,
forget her.
THE PATIENT VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she doesn't come back, continue to wait
until she comes back ...
THE PLAYFUL VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free ...
If she comes back, and if you love her still,
set her free again. Repeat
THE LAWYER'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
Clause 1a of Paragraph 13a-1 in the second
amendment of the Matrimonial Freedom Act clearly states that...
THE BILL GATES VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she comes back,
I think we can charge her for re-installation fees
and tell her that she's also going to get an upgrade.
THE STATISTICIAN'S VERSION:
If you love somebody,
Set her free...
If she loves you, the probability of her coming back is high;
If she doesn't, your relationship was improbable anyway.
THE POSSESSIVE VERSION:
If you love somebody
don't ever set her free.
THE MBA VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
instantaneously...
and look for others simultaneously.
THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, her super ego is dominant;
If she doesn't come, back her id is supreme;
If she doesn't go, she must be crazy.
THE FINANCE EXPERT VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, its time to look for fresh loans;
If she doesn't, write her off as an asset gone bad.
THE MARKETING VERSION:
If you love somebody
set her free...
If she comes back, she has brand loyalty;
If she doesn't, reposition the brand in new markets.
Today's One-liner
One-liner #0987
When the moon hits your eye,
like a big pizza pie ...
that's a lawsuit.
Today's Clean Pun
Dating a Philosopher
Trying to date a philosophy professor?
He doesn't even know if you exist or not!
Today's Quote
Quote #1436
"Jesus didn't come to tell us the answer to the questions of life, he came to be the answer."
- Timothy Keller
Today's Illustration
Change Your Stance
The newest member of the country club was taking his initiatory round of golf with the club's officers. He was nervous about making a good impression. He teed up the ball, spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a healthy swing. The golf club removed about a pound of turf, but left the ball intact. Terribly embarrassed, the man again planted his feet, took another healthy swing, and again, totally missed the ball. Although thoroughly exasperated, once again he spread his feet apart, fixed his stance, and took a vibrant swing----and for the third time missed. Whereupon he looked up and said, "Wow, this sure is a tough course."
Many of us are more like that golfer than we care to admit. We spend our time and energy blaming our problems on circumstances and conditions and cultural contexts, when we should be changing our stance.
- Leonard Sweet
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
Subcategories
Clean Jokes Article Count: 3626
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
Christmas Jokes Article Count: 77
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
Your Turn to Be Funny Article Count: 3
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Funny Elephant Pictures Article Count: 16
Are you looking for funny elephant pictures? You've come to the right place!
Cybersalt Digest Archive Article Count: 1572
Games Article Count: 15
Here are the games we have on the site so far. There aren't many but they're loads of fun.
Funny Pictures Article Count: 679
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Funny Car Pictures Article Count: 169
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Funny Cat Pictures Article Count: 231
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
Funny Dog Pictures Article Count: 149
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Funny Horse Pictures Article Count: 24
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count: 53
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count: 544
Here are some clean, theologically incorrect jokes. Most of them have been featured in the PearlyGates section of the free Cybersalt Digest Newsletter - which you can subscribe to by clicking here.
FunBlog Article Count: 533
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Clean Puns Article Count: 2005
Our collection of puns.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
This husband and wife decided to have some fun and surprise all their friends and family with the big news of not just gender, but having twins.
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
This one goes out to moms! Spoken by someone who knows.
Funny Signs Article Count: 167
Our collection of funny signs.
One-liners Article Count: 2065
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chicken Humor Article Count: 1
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!