Cybersalt News
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Thank-you to everyone who is praying for Flower and helping her family. Flower is recovering from a fever which ended up in a trip to the doctor for a prescription. She is having a follow-up visit today. It's a risk for her parents to go out on these outings because of the possibility of being picked up by the authorities. Updates about Flower and her family are posted at this link.
There is a new Christmas video in the FunBlog today. You might think some puppets singing the Christmas story to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody would be kind of cheesy, but I think this is really well done! You can decide for yourself by watching "Bethlehem Rhapsody" at:
www.cybersalt.org/funblog/bethlehem-rhapsody
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Today's CleanLaugh
The Chocolate Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
Were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
In hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chinstraps
Had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash,
Tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
Sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
A marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
A Weight Watcher dropout from sugar detox.
From the top of the scales to the top of the hall
Now dash away pounds now dash away all.
Dressed up in Lane Bryant from my head to nightdress
My clothes were all bulging from too much excess.
My droll little mouth and my round little belly,
They shook when I laughed like a bowl full of jelly.
I spoke not a word but went straight to my work
Ate all of the candy then turned with a jerk.
And laying a finger beside my heartburn
Gave a quick nod toward the bedroom I turned.
I eased into bed, to the heavens I cry--
If temptation's removed I'll get thin by and by.
And I mumbled again as I turned for the night
In the morning I'll starve... 'til I take that first bite!
Today's One-liner
Regarding "Descriptions:"
This fact is clear to those who know it.
Today's Clean Pun
“Christmas: That time of year when mother has to separate the men from the toys.”
- Lee Daniel Quinn
Today's Quote
"A thousand times in history a baby has become a king, but only once in history did a King become a baby."
- Unknown
Today's Illustration
Most Holy & Majestic Father,
There's so much "hype" around Christmas time. I have to admit that I enjoy all the jolly jingle and festive frolic as much as anyone. But, Lord, as I enter into the fast-paced season ahead, help me walk slowly and quietly.
Let me stop and listen to the angels sing of the greatest news ever told!
Let my heart, mind and soul join the chorus, "Glory in the Highest!! The Messiah has been born!"
Among all the bright sparkling lights and cheery holiday tunes, let my spirit travel once again toward Bethlehem to honor and worship Jesus, my King, The Prince of Peace, the Lord of Hosts, Mighty Counselor, Son of God, the Lamb. All Your love, mercy and power somehow made flesh in the tiny form of a humble baby born in a manger. Let me worship the only One who is able to take our sin away and reconcile men and women with God once again!
Amen
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
No one can fracture a Christmas carol better than a kid. Sing along with these new takes on old favorites:
Regarding "Eternal Truths:"
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the 