I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance . . . .
she leaned over and pushed me.
Sunday greetings and Happy New Year everyone!
On the Cybersalt site today, Rev. James Snyder ponders resolutions and has one that will make your new year the best possible. You can read "You Know It's The New Year Again When ..." at:
www.cybersalt.org/gods-penman/you-know-its-the-new-year-again-when
Also, it's time to get "Happy New Year Dog" out again!
www.cybersalt.org/funny-dog-pictures/happy-new-year-dog
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
This year, I resolve to...
- Gain weight; at least 30 pounds.
- Stop exercising; waste of time.
- Read less; makes you think.
- Watch more TV; I've been missing some good stuff.
- Procrastinate more; starting tomorrow.
- Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
- Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see the largest ball of twine.
- Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
- Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
- Don't have eight children at once.
- Get in a whole NEW rut!
- Start being superstitious.
- Personal goal: bring back disco.
- Don't bet against the Minnesota Vikings.
- Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo system.
- Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
- Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabicwords.
- Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.
- Spend my summer vacation in Cyberspace.
- Don't eat cloned meat.
- Create loose ends.
- Get more toys.
- Get further in debt.
- Don't believe politicians.
- Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.
- Avoid transmission of inter-species diseases.
- Avoid airplanes that spontaneously drop 1000 feet.
- Stay off the International Space Station.
- Not swim with pirhanas or sharks.
- Associate with even worse business clients.
- Spread out priorities beyond my ability to keep track of them.
- Wait around for opportunity.
- Focus on the faults of others.
- Mope about my faults.
- Never make New Year's resolutions again.
"I have CDO; it's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order ... as they should be."
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
"The heaven of heavens cannot contain Him, and yet He condescends to find a house within our hearts!"
- C. H. Spurgeon
“If God had perceived that our greatest need was economic, he would have sent an economist.
If he had perceived that our greatest need was entertainment, he would have sent us a comedian or an artist.
If God had perceived that our greatest need was political stability, he would have sent us a politician.
If he had perceived that our greatest need was health, he would have sent us a doctor.
But he perceived that our greatest need involved our sin, our alienation from him, our profound rebellion, our death;
... and he sent us a Savior. ”
― D.A. Carson, A Call to Spiritual Reformation: Priorities from Paul and His Prayers
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.org - a member of the Cybersalt family of sites.
"I have CDO; it's like OCD but all the letters are in alphabetical order ... as they should be."
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite
This year, I resolve to...
- Gain weight; at least 30 pounds.
- Stop exercising; waste of time.
- Read less; makes you think.
- Watch more TV; I've been missing some good stuff.
- Procrastinate more; starting tomorrow.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
