Entertainment

Thanksgiving Forecast Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F.  The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.

During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other.  Please pass the gravy.

A weight-watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway.  During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator.

Looking ahead to Tuesday and Wednesday (in Canada), high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established.  Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day.  We expect a warming trend where soup develops.

By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.

- Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the forthcoming book, "Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts, and Fun in Forecasting", by Norm Macdonald 

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting.

"I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."

'Is that when you swore?'

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

* The patient before you was a goat.

* Instead of anesthetic he has you watch PBS.

* He has an assistant named Igor.

* The local bar association named him "Client of the Year."

* Whenever he leaves the room his nurse makes duck noises.

* During surgery he has to keep repeating that "thigh bone connected to the knee bone" song.

* Mike Wallace and a film crew are hanging out in his waiting room.

* He asks you to turn your head and cough during an eye exam.

* You can beat him in a game of Operation.

* All his Medical books are from the Time-Life "Do-it-Yourself Series."