More than five million Americans are overweight.
These, of course, are round figures.
Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping.
As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday.
So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up.
As she settled into the car, her face dropped.
"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.
Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey."
Right before the clock strikes midnight on December 31, make sure you raise your left leg. that way you will start the year off on the right foot!
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
There were no grammatical errors in last Thursday's post. I actually had Grandma Cybersalt proofread it before sending it. I am not surprised at the successful effect - she is the secret to a lot of things going smoother in my life.
Speaking of grammar, I want to give a shout out to J. Bernhard for the very kind note and suggestion she sent last week: "Everyone makes mistakes from time to time. When there are other real words, the spell-checker doesn't catch them. Personally, I think you should thank all the kind folk who exercised a little self-control and did NOT point out your error. It's not that we don't see them, it's just that we make them, too, and know everyone deserves some grace. Occasionally, anyway."
The above is great advice and I do thank all you kind folk who have not pointed out my errors. And if you have pointed them out, don't feel bad - I enjoy the fun of acknowledging and playing with them.
Today's video share is proof that you don't always have to work harder to achieve the success you are looking for!
Click here to watch the first video.
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
'Twas the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
Danced in their heads.
Out in the sports field,
There were some throwing,
In hope that some exercise
Would get their brains going.
In my own apartment,
I had been pacing,
Dreading all those exams
I soon would be facing.
My roommate was speechless,
His nose in his books,
And my comments to him
Drew unfriendly looks.
I drained all the coffee,
And brewed a new pot,
No longer caring
That my nerves were shot.
I stared at my notes,
But my thoughts were all muddy,
My eyes went a’ blur,
I just couldn't study.
"Some pizza might help,"
I said with a shiver,
But each place I called
Refused to deliver.
I'd pretty much concluded
Life is unfair and cruel,
Since our futures all depend
On grades made in school.
When all of a sudden,
Our door opened wide,
And Patron Saint Put-It-Off
Ambled inside.
Her spirit was careless,
Her manner was mellow,
She looked at the mess
And started to bellow:
"Why should us students
Make such a fuss,
About what those teachers
Toss out to us?"
"On Cliff Notes! On Crib Notes!
On Last Year's Exams!
On Wingit and Slingit,
And Last Minute Crams!"
Her message delivered,
She vanished from sight,
But we heard her laughing
Outside in the night.
"Your teachers won't flunk you,
So just do your best.
Happy Finals to All,
And to All, a good test."
When you think about it, it's the worst possible place for her to sell seashells.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
I heard that the New Orleans football team has a new sponsor, "I Can't Believe It's not Butter."
Their theme song will be, "Oh When the Saints Go Margarine."
- Gary Hallock
"The hard soil and four months of snow make the inhabitants of the northern temperate zone wiser and abler than his fellow who enjoys the fixed smile of the tropics."
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
In high school I was always self-conscious about my height.
Once, a lifeguard asked me out. I had never stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my dates, and run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes to wear.
When heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me what I didn't want to hear: "Go bare-footed."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
I will never help anyone again......EVER! I'm too kindhearted, or I'm too naive....
Yesterday it was so cold out that we took a man into our home out of the kindness of our hearts. We felt so sorry for him, poor thing was standing stiff and frozen out in the cold, but this morning he had just vanished. Not a word...not even a goodbye or a thank you for sheltering him.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
