Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you'll get if you're able to "fall asleep right now."
In the doctors office two patients are talking.
"You know, I had an appendectomy last month and the doctor left a sponge in me by mistake."
"A sponge!" exclaims the other. "And do you feel much pain"
"No pain at all," says the first, "but do I get thirsty!"
A shotgun wedding is a case of wife or death.
Click here to view this edition online!
Sunday greetings everyone.
Cybersalt World Headquarters is a pretty noisy place this weekend as we enjoy some family time with two of our kids and their families. One of the things on the agenda is some planning to redo our upstairs floors. Truthfully, we should have replaced our wrinkly carpets when we moved into this house in mid-November, 1996, but now it's really past due to add a new face to our floor! Our daughter-in-law is the one that knows colours and our son is an excellent installer, so Grandma Cybersalt and I are letting them plan and handle everything - well, not everything. They are still letting us pay, lol.
Oh yeah, we can also see a container ship on fire in the straight that our house overlooks. The ship is actually 23KM (14 miles) away from our house, in US waters, but of course all of us who chare the coast of the Salish Sea are concerned.
This is also a big weekend for our eldest and her family in Toronto. Our son-in-law, Matt, is being ordained today. We are very proud of them. Matt is a very good pastor, possessing gifts and skills that surpass mine in a number of areas.
For today's video share I am going to double up again - maybe.
To watch a news story about the fire on the container ship, click here.
I'm not sure if they are live streaming Matt's ordination, but at 5:00pm Toronto time we'll be Sunday%20greetings%20everyone.
%20Cybersalt%20World%20Headquarters%20is%20a%20pretty%20noisy%20place%20this%20weekend%20as%20we%20enjoy%20some%20family%20time%20with%20two%20of%20our%20kids%20and%20their%20families.%20One%20of%20the%20things%20on%20the%20agenda%20is%20some%20planning%20to%20redo%20our%20upstairs%20floors.%20Truthfully,%20we%20should%20have%20replaced%20our%20wrinkly%20carpets%20when%20we%20moved%20into%20the%20house%20in%20mid-November,%201996,%20but%20now%20it's%20really%20past%20due%20to%20add%20a%20new%20face%20to%20our%20floor!%20Our%20daughter-in-law%20is%20the%20one%20that%20knows%20colours%20and%20our%20son%20is%20an%20excellent%20installer,%20so%20Grandma%20Cybersalt%20are%20letting%20them%20plan%20and%20handle%20everything%20-%20well,%20not%20everything.%20They%20are%20still%20letting%20us%20pay,%20lol.
%20Oh%20yeah,%20there%20is%20also%20a%20container%20ship%20on%20fire%20in%20the%20straight%20that%20our%20house%20looks%20over.%20The%20ship%20is%20actually%2023KM%20(14%20miles)%20away%20from%20our%20house,%20in%20US%20waters,%20but%20of%20course%20all%20of%20us%20who%20border%20on%20the%20Salish%20Sea%20are%20concerned.
%20This%20is%20also%20a%20big%20weekend%20for%20our%20eldest%20and%20her%20family%20in%20Toronto.%20Our%20son-in-law,%20Matt,%20is%20being%20ordained%20today.%20We%20are%20very%20proud%20of%20them.%20Matt%20is%20a%20very%20good%20pastor,%20possessing%20gifts%20and%20skills%20that%20surpass%20mine%20in%20a%20number%20of%20areas.
%20So%20for%20today's%20video%20share%20I%20am%20going%20to%20double%20up%20again%20-%20maybe.
%20To%20watch%20a%20news%20story%20about%20the%20fire%20on%20the%20container%20ship%20-%20click%20here.
%20I'm%20not%20sure%20if%20they%20are%20live%20streaming%20Matt's%20ordination,%20but%20at%205:00pm%20Toronto%20time%20we'll%20be%20clicking%20here%20to%20see%20if%20they%20are:
Enjoy%20the%20rest%20of%20today's%20mailing!
%20~%20Pastor%20Tim
" target="_blank" rel="noopener">clicking here to see if they are.Enjoy the rest of today's mailing!
~ Pastor Tim
Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
Bystander: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.
Bystander: I'm not. I'm her mother.
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October ... I call it my jingle bell rock.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City:
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault. It was the asphalt!"
"There is of course no intellectual discipline which is more exacting than the discipline which makes it possible to enter into another person's point of view, whose antecedents and training and environment, moral or intellectual or theological, are widely different from one's own."
- J. F. Bethune-Baker (1908)
**Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville.
**Dear Pastor, Please say in your sermon that Peter Peterson has been a good boy all week. I am Peter Peterson. Sincerely, Pete. Age 9, Phoenix
**Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, Age 11, Anderson
**Dear Pastor, I'm sorry I can't leave more money in the plate, but my father didn't give me a raise in my allowance. Could you have a sermon about a raise in my allowance? Love, Patty. Age 10, New Haven
**Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every week even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany
**Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago
**Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma
**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said that good health is more important than money but I still want a raise in my allowance. Sincerely, Eleanor. Age 12, Sarasota
**Dear Pastor, Please pray for all the airline pilots. I am flying to California tomorrow. Laurie. Age 10, New York City
**Dear Pastor, I hope to go to heaven some day but later than sooner. Love, Ellen, age 9. Athens
**Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh
**Dear Pastor, My father says I should learn the Ten Commandments. But I don't think I want to because we have enough rules already in my house. Joshua. Age 10, South Pasadena
**Dear Pastor, Who does God pray to? Is there a God for God? Sincerely, Christopher. Age 9, Titusville
**Dear Pastor, Are there any devils on earth? I think there may be one in my class. Carla. Age 10, Salina
**Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron
**Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it in the newspapers? Sincerely, Marie. Age 9, Lewiston
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Over a year ago, I got out of bed, went to the kitchen for my morning cup of coffee and then I went to the back porch to see if I had any visitors.
I have foxes, possums, cats, and raccoons (who are politically correct and wear masks when they come). I put food out for them, and they help themselves. Every morning the food dishes are empty and waiting to be filled.
It's great at night to look out and see some of these critters coming in for their evening snack.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
I always carry a pebble with me to throw at people who sing Christmas songs in October ... I call it my jingle bell rock.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
