Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall. I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending!"
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Hunting flies," he responded.
"Oh! Killing any?" she asked.
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked, "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on TV remote and 2 were on the phone."
Aboard the USS TARAWA for six months, my brother Don posted a picture of his beloved truck in his locker.
Since his fellow Marines had pictures of their girlfriends posted, they often ridiculed him for his object of adoration.
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Cybersaltine J.J. Westberg is this week's winner of the "Spot Pastor Tim's Grammar Mistake" contest. Last week, I said I was "to" lazy for heating our home with wood, when I really meant I was "too" lazy. I do know the difference and I suspect it was just a typo, but it raises a fun dilemma we can all ponder.
In the English language we use "two, to, and too" at different times. This reality forms the conundrum which is the sentence that can be said, but not written: "There are 3 *twos*" in the English language. (I've used "two" there but that can't be the right use, and neither would the others.)
I think I have actually found a way to express the intent of that sentence. It came to me when I was playing a table game with Grandma Cybersalt yesterday. But I want to give you all a chance come up with a way to write out a sentence that solves (or works around) the problem. If you have an idea, just reply to this mailing and I will get it.
Today's video share is a reminder that sometimes you just need some explosive, brute force to finish a job properly. I can hardly wait for video of the Christmas tree they are going to hang this on!
Click here to watch the video.
~ Pastor Tim
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store.
"Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked.
"Yeah, my mom and dad have one," the other replied.
"What's it for?" asked the first boy.
"I don't know," the second boy answered. "I think you stand on it and it either makes you mad or cry. That's what it does to my Dad and Mom."
Went shopping while hungry; now I'm the proud owner of aisle 6.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease.
That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
"Mankind invented the atomic bomb, but no mouse would ever construct a mousetrap."
- Albert Einstein
This insurance company's contract with a government agency had just expired, and a technician fielded the call from an agency bureaucrat reminding him that he needed to destroy the agency-provided software.
"I agreed that we would delete the software from the mainframe computer," said the tech.
The reply? "That's not good enough -- the software must be destroyed."
"How do you destroy software?" the tech asked. But the agency guy couldn't give specifics. He just kept insisting that, "deleting the software was not enough -- we must destroy the software!"
The tech finally suggested that he copy the software onto a tape cartridge, have a steamroller roll over it, and send the flattened tape cartridge to the agency.
The steamroller was on site because a company was repaving the parking lot. The tech suggested the idea because of frustration with the construction in the parking lot -- and frustration with the government employee who did not seem to have a clue about the nature of software.
He put the flattened cartridge, at least all the pieces worth picking up, and the crushed tape into a padded envelope and mailed it to the government agency, to the bureaucrat's attention.
A few days later, the tech received a sincere thank you from the agency.
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
The Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
Went shopping while hungry; now I'm the proud owner of aisle 6.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
